Jewish World Review Sept. 5, 2011 / 4 Elul, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Oscar de la Hoya emerged from rehab in Malibu Thursday and admitted he posed for those photos of him last year wearing women's lingerie and fishnet stockings and high heels. He got sober three months ago. He's finding it much easier to walk in those shoes now.
Mel Gibson was ordered Tuesday to pay Oksana Grigorieva just seven hundred and fifty grand. Last year he offered her fifteen million but she decided to hold out for more. Every homeowner who didn't sell the house four years ago knows how she feels.
Labor Secretary Hilda Solis bought a Chevy Equinox to show that she backs U.S. workers. The car is built and assembled in Canada. It helps U.S. workers because every model that comes off the assembly line is loaded up with cheap prescription drugs and shipped to America.
President Obama's uncle Omar vowed to call the White House after he was arrested for drunken driving last Sunday near Boston. You have to feel for the poor guy. He's sitting in jail and the only guy he can call for bail money is fourteen trillion dollars in debt.
The White House had to negotiate with NBC over how to schedule President Obama's speech around the NFL opener. They won't pre-empt the game for him. So far NBC will only agree that if he will wear a leather jumpsuit and play a guitar he can speak at halftime.
The White House said Thursday past presidents have participated on the NFL's opening day including George W. Bush. He performed the opening day coin toss from the Oval Office. The only reason we invaded Iraq instead of Iran is because the coin came up heads.
John Boehner denied President Obama's request to address Congress Wednesday but allowed him to address them on Thursday. It was catty. Last year Obama slapped a ten percent surtax on tanning salons and Boehner's been biding his time for the chance to strike back.
Texas Governor Rick Perry led GOP polls by a wide margin Friday, waking up liberal fears of a real conservative back in the White House. He knows how they think. Rick Perry was once a Democrat but that was back in college and he insists he was just experimenting.
New York's Play Land Amusement Park ejected fifteen Muslim women Tuesday. They refused to take off their head scarves for the rollercoaster ride. If a woman's scarf gets caught on the tunnel entrance she could get decapitated without even committing adultery.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton