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December 2, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Sept. 19, 2011 / 20 Elul, 5771

Should Alzheimer's Be a Reason to Ditch Marriage Vows?

By Mitch Albom






http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | It's a phrase you hear in almost every marriage ceremony. "'Til death do us part."

But what about "a kind of" death?

Can you "kind of" part?

That's the debate raging ever since Pat Robertson used those words in justifying divorce if one partner suffers from Alzheimer's.

Robertson was answering a question about a man who started seeing another woman after his wife's Alzheimer's left her unable to even recognize him anymore.

"I know it sounds cruel," he said, "but if he's going to do something he should divorce her and start all over again..."

When pressed about the marriage vows, Robertson added, "If you respect that vow, you say ''till death do us part.' This is a kind of death."

He did suggest the man make sure his wife had custodial care before leaving her. But last time I looked, a nurse is not a husband.

And "custodial care" is not in the vows.

Reaction was swift and often angry to Robertson, particularly from Christians who felt he was betraying his own religion. Still, before we jump all over the man, an exercise that seems to happen every year (the host of "The 700 Club" has made controversial comments on everything from gay rights to the potential assassination of Hugo Chavez), we should at least acknowledge that this is a serious issue more and more Americans are facing.

Debilitating illnesses have always been around. But as modern medicine improves, people can live longer with them -- which means healthy husbands and wives live longer with their afflicted spouses.

Alzheimer's, in particular, has become a common companion. Sufferers can live for years in their own private prison, rarely if ever emerging for a glimpse of recognition. The rest of the time, spouses and family members comfort the body while searching for the soul.

So do you walk away? Pay for care and feeding, then get on with your life? That's what Robertson was suggesting when he said, "I can't fault him (the husband) for wanting some kind of companionship. If he says in a sense she is gone, he's right. He's right. It's like a walking death."

The problem is "a walking death" is still not death. And Alzheimer's is not the only form it takes.

What about ALS? It robs the brain of its communication with the body, leaves you an empty husk, unable in many cases to do more than blink an eye or wiggle a toe. Isn't that a "kind of death"?

And yet I recently visited a couple in California, Augie and Lynne Nieto, who seven years ago were the picture of health and wealth and beauty -- and now Augie, 53, is in a wheelchair, unable to speak, move, kiss or hold, deeply victimized by ALS. Still, Lynne is as in love with him as ever, doting on him, teasing him.

Their relationship is not the same -- not in its behavior. But it is in their hearts.

Strokes can do similar damage. They leave once healthy men slumped sideways in a chair, once beautiful women with open mouths and dazed expressions. At that point, the marriage cannot be the same. But does that stamp a spouse's walking papers?

What about closed head injuries? Comas? Patients hooked permanently to machinery? Their married lives, under such heavy weight, may feel over. But if we're only meant to stick around until the going gets tough, why bother to make all those promises at the altar?

Let's be honest. More than half of American marriages fall apart over more mundane issues. So it is not our place to judge when something as tough as Alzheimer's enters the picture. Whatever the couple may have discussed should supersede.

You hear people say, "She wouldn't want him to be alone." If this is true, why should an outside view be more binding? And if it's not, let the parties answer to their own consciences or faiths.

But we can say this: a "kind of death" is a worrisome phrase. It puts commitment up to interpretation.

Better, perhaps, to focus on the Augie and Lynnes of the world and be inspired by how amazing lifetime love can be.



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