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December 2, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

Get away from ‘psychological thinking’

By John Rosemond




The truth about the "experts" who are certain on how to rear your children

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) Today's parents — and especially those in the educated class who consume parenting information via newspaper columns, books, and seminars — tend toward what I call "psychological thinking." They assign psychological meaning and significance to any behavior on the part of their children that is the least bit out of kilter. So, for example, a somewhat clingy preschool child isn't simply introverted; rather, the child is insecure and needing additional attention because a younger sibling came along before she was able to completely work through toddler dependency issues and blah blah blah. Thus, something that is no big deal becomes a big deal.

The psychological interpretation mystifies the child's behavior, raises the parent's anxiety level, and generates responses that are not only confusing to the child but also make the problem — if in fact the behavior in question is problematic to begin with — much, much worse.

This came to mind recently when a mother asked me to help her figure out why her 3-year-old is throwing wild tantrums and what to do about them. She said, "You probably need to know that she's adopted." I needed to know this because several adoption specialists had informed said Mom that adopted children were burdened by unique "bonding issues" that engendered confusion, insecurity, anger, fear of rejection, and other forms of psychological angst. Therefore, adopted children need to be treated with kid gloves, which Mom was dutifully doing.

I stopped her and said, "Your daughter is throwing tantrums for the same reason non-adopted children throw tantrums."

"Which is?" she asked, somewhat taken aback.


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"You are not obeying her properly."

It doesn't matter what the child's history or circumstances, all tantrums are equal. They are expressions of what I call "The Almighty I Am" — the belief, shared by every child, that he/she is the only fish in the pond of any significance and that everyone else — parents especially — exists solely to serve. When their service is not pleasing, when their obedience is not immediate, The Almighty I Am begins to rage. Hell hath no fury, etcetera.

(In the 1960s, those of us who had our heads in various utopian clouds referred to TAIA as the "inner child" and we strove to get back in touch with it. When we became parents, we took special care to not repress our children's inner beasts, which goes a long way toward explaining why so many Boomers are now raising their grandchildren.)

Convinced that her daughter's tantrums were a sign of deep-seated psychological rumblings, Mom catered to them. She figured out what her daughter wanted her to do and she did it. In short, she fed the beast. In turn, the beast grew more beastly. (In some cases, the beast is eventually given a name: childhood bipolar disorder.)

I asked, "Do you think it's good for your daughter to believe that it's your duty to obey her?" She answered correctly — her first step toward parental rehabilitation.

As long as her daughter's high-self-esteem seizures were the expression of psychological commotion, Mom's ability to deal effectively with them was paralyzed. In fact, the commotion was primarily in Mom's head, not her daughter's. Released from the bondage of psychobabble, Mom is now able to give said seizures their due — which is to say, nothing. (This makes less likely that she will someday be found raising her grandchildren.)

———

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John Rosemond is a psychologist, family therapist and nationally known expert on parenting issues


Previously:


What do today's children seriously lack that children in the 1950s and before enjoyed in abundance?
'Fixing' Son's Shyness
Mothers who fall short --- by design
To tell a child 'You can be anything you want to be' is irresponsible
Family 'democracy' can turn to tyranny
'Because I said so' signals strong parental leadership
It's time for parents to get their heads out of the '60s





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