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No texting during homework? Call the authorities By Mark Patinkin
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Now that the school year has started, I’ve decided my kids need more discipline. They have said it is unfair, and they might call the authorities. That troubled me. Perhaps, in the Xbox era, there may well be different parenting standards at the Department of Children, Youth and Families. It got me imagining the kind of investigation I might face if I keep up this course.
“Mr. Patinkin — DCYF. We’ve had some complaints. May we come in?” I suppose. “Let’s cut to the chase. Is it true it’s no longer good enough for them to leave dishes in the sink?” Yes, but the dishwasher’s only an arm’s reach away, and I figure … “Studies have shown the teen brain is not evolved enough to even recognize dishwashers.” But don’t you think … “They also claim you reprimand them for wet towels on the floor, even at 7 a.m. Do you realize no teen reaches consciousness until after 9?” I just want them to see I’m not the maid. “They also say you’re making them put their clean laundry in dressers and closets?” Well … “Their complaint asks why they can’t just rummage through clean hampers like they always have?” They need a parent to set expectations. “Sure they do. From a parent who expects teenagers — teenagers, Mr. Patinkin — to bag the garbage and remember to line the can with a fresh bag?” Are you pre-judging me? “Let’s talk television. Your kids tell us you’re restricting their right to it.” Their ‘right’? I’ve read that the average American teen spends 30 hours a week in front of screens, and … ” “So you’re admitting you won’t let your children be average anymore?” But it’s what they watch. ‘Jersey Shore.’ ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey.’ What is it with New Jersey, anyway? “Mr. Patinkin, is it not true that when you sit with them while they’re watching ‘America’s Funniest Videos,’ you force them to watch the news instead?” Is that bad? “Do you realize what’s on the news? Can we move on to studying?” Sure — they’re now required to study with no electronics … why are you frowning? “They told us they’re used to studying in front of the TV, occasionally texting, and checking things online?” It was time to put a stop … “You clearly don’t see that teens need distraction to focus.” That sounds like a contradiction. “You try growing up with IMs, texts, e-mails, calls, Facebook messages … and 20 other digital inputs every minute, and then go cold turkey off that. May I move on? Yes. “You went on an outing with them recently, tennis, dinner … and made them leave cell phones in the car?” I wanted family time and … “You actually prevented your 16-year-old son from using his cell phone for … how long was it?” Five hours. “How many texts did he have waiting when he got back to the phone?” I don’t know — 30 or so. Maybe 50? “That can scar a child for life.” But I’ll often go a whole day without getting one text message. “That’s because you’re old Mr. Patinkin. And finally — we have a report you’re making your college son get a campus job.” Are you going to get me for that, too? “Keep in mind … this is a boy who could be going to frat parties and you’ve got him working instead.” Are we done here? “One more question. Think hard before you answer. Is it not true you hid your child’s Xbox console? A ‘yes’ or ‘no’ will suffice.” Um — I think I’d like to call an attorney. “We’ve heard enough.” .Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Your comments are appreciated. Please send them by clicking here. Mark Patinkin is a columnist with The Providence Journal.
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