Jewish World Review Sept. 29, 2010 / 21 Tishrei, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad dined with Nation of Islam's Louis Farrakhan and the Black Panthers Monday at the Manhattan Hilton. Paris Hilton was photographed in the lobby the same day. Once a year the hotel hosts a conference of people who are immune to U.S. law.
The FDA will decide Friday whether to approve genetically-engineered salmon to try to help save the salmon from extinction. It's a hot topic. The California Fish and Game Commission just named Lindsay Lohan its poster child for the state's new catch and release program.
The Emergency Bra hit the stores Monday, which allows women to flip the bra up over their faces during an emergency and breathe through air pockets in the cups. It's amazing. They finally figured out a way to get airline passengers to pay attention to the safety lecture.
Virgin Airways announced Monday it will offer orbital space travel in six spaceships beginning next year. Each ticket costs two hundred thousand dollars. Don't ask how much they charge you to change your ticket if you decide to fly counter-clockwise at the last minute.
Congress heard complaints from Louisiana's Plaquemines Parish residents Monday about all the money they lost due to the oil spill. The marshy coastline has always been a magnet for smugglers. When they tried to wash the oil off the cocaine they lost the whole crop to evaporation.
The White House announced plans Monday to seek congressional approval to wiretap direct Internet communications. Skype has made it much harder to catch terrorists. They never go out to strip bars anymore now that they can have video phone sex inside their apartments.
North Korea's Kim Jong Il named his youngest son Kim Jong Un a military general Monday in a first step toward dynastic succession. That's how they do it in other countries. They don't put anybody in charge unless they have some experience and a notarized birth certificate.
Israeli bulldozers mobilized in the West Bank Monday and resumed construction on housing units for Israeli settlers despite Arab opposition. Thousands of construction workers got busy. Palestinian protests now have a better record of creating jobs than the U.S. Congress.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton