Jewish World Review Sept. 27, 2010 / 19 Tishrei, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Michael Vick was named the starting quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles for Sunday game. His skills are unique. Two years ago Michael Vick was the only American who lost his job, his house, his car and a hundred million dollars without the aid of an investment advisor.
The Emergency Bra was patented by a Chicago doctor Thursday and put on sale for thirty dollars. In an emergency, women can flip it up over their faces and breathe through air pockets in the cups. From now on, terrorist attacks are going to be a good-news, bad-news joke.
President Obama was heckled repeatedly in New York Wednesday by protesters who demanded more AIDS research money and an end to the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. It was near chaos. At one point his Teleprompter stopped working and demanded gay partner benefits.
President Obama signaled a change in U.S. policy toward the Third World Thursday in a U.N. speech. He said he intends to promote commerce and free trade with poor nations rather than just give them money. If it works there, he's going to try it here.
White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel began planning to run for Chicago mayor Friday. He was recently roasted at a dinner in Washington. He opened the evening by requesting that none of the speakers bring up his volcanic temper or his profanity, and the meeting adjourned.
Bill Clinton urged Democrats to post their own Pledge to America to answer the GOP's Pledge to America, published Thursday. He said he knows what it's like to lose the masses. It happened to him a few times, but not nearly as often as he lost the missus.
President Obama addressed the U.N. Thursday, where he shocked the world by reaching out to Iran for support for his Middle East peace initiative. The Israeli delegation was not seated during his speech. They were observing the Jewish holiday of Duck and Cover.
Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad rejected Obama's olive branch Thursday and accused the U.S. of plotting the World Trade Center attack. He's like a scary-looking lobster snapping his claws inside a water tank in a seafood restaurant lobby. He has no idea what's coming.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton