Jewish World Review Sept. 17, 2010 / 9 Tishrei, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Cuba announced Monday it will shed five hundred thousand government bureaucrats and allow private businesses to start hiring. This is big news. We've just learned that the private sector is going to come back in America but it's going to take fifty years.
Harlem U.S. Rep. Charlie Rangel drubbed Adam Clayton Powell IV in Tuesday's Democratic primary. Rangel faces a House corruption trial and Powell has sex scandals. This recession is so terrible that people are giving up entertainment and just voting for straight payoffs.
The Underwear Bomber chose to represent himself in his terror trial Monday in Michigan. He was prevented by fellow passengers from blowing up a plane while landing in Detroit on Christmas Eve. Everybody who was on that plane deserves a medal for going to Detroit.
Senator Harry Reid proposed U.S. citizenship Wednesday for any illegal immigrant with two years of college or U.S. military service. It's controversial. He denied that he's offering amnesty through the back door but if this were a movie it'd be called Last Tango in Phoenix.
BP will finish sealing its once-ruptured oil well on the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico Sunday by pouring sand and concrete down the hole. No one will ever forget the sight of the oil-covered ducks staggering heroically on the beach. For the rest of their lives, these duck will be blaming the successful clean-up for killing vaudeville.
Ground Zero Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf was accused in a New Jersey court Wednesday of neglecting a four-story apartment building he owns in Jersey City. It has bedbugs, frayed wiring, and no smoke alarms. This is the last place in the world you'd expect to find a flight school.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton