Jewish World Review Sept. 15, 2010 / 7 Tishrei, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Sotheby's is auctioning the Aston Martin sports car which James Bond drove in Thunderball. The car has rear barrels which squirts streams of oil and it can drive on water. President Obama wants all the money from the sale of the car to go to the victims of James Bond.
President Obama signed a bill into law Saturday reducing the prison time for crack cocaine possession. No cameras were allowed at the bill signing. It's believed to be the first bill-signing ceremony ever timed to coincide with the Video Music Awards after-party.
The New York Jets made lewd remarks to a beautiful TV sports reporter from Mexico at their team practice Saturday. She caused a near-riot in the locker room with her blonde hair and tight jeans. It's just another case of immigrants doing the jobs Erin Andrews refuses to do.
Pete Rose was cheered at Cincinnati's Great American Ball Park Sunday on the anniversary of his breaking Ty Cobb's hits record. He stood at first base and wept openly. He lost ten thousand dollars betting that Major League Baseball would never let him on the field.
A Complicated Man is the new biography of Bill Clinton by author Michael Takiff which was sneak-previewed Sunday. The author dictated the biography from thousands of taped interviews. No president was ever more deserving of an oral history than Bill Clinton.
President Obama pushed his economic plan personally Monday in the backyard of a Virginia home. That's just as good a place to start as any. In an attempt to pay off the budget deficit, pay down the national debt and pay for health care, he's searching for the lost Confederate gold.
The White House tried to assure Democratic Party candidates Monday that health care reform will eventually be popular. Right now no lawmaker wants to admit to being there at the bill's creation. For some reason nothing in the Obama administration has a birth certificate.
The White House launched a computer website Friday to help people get jobs immediately. It matches applicant skills to available openings in two seconds. President Obama tested out the website for reporters Friday and it hired him as mayor of Chicago.
Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf hinted Sunday he may be willing to move the Ground Zero mosque, while insisting on the rights of two million American Muslims. They are valued citizens. If you see them run out of the building, you should run out of the building.
French first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy issued a worldwide appeal last week for Iranian women to be free from barbaric Muslim laws. The idea is spreading. Women in Iran don't want to live in the Middle Ages, they want to say they're twenty-nine like Western women do.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton