Jewish World Review Sept. 14, 2010 / 6 Tishrei, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama insisted at his press conference Friday that he will raise taxes on the wealthiest Americans. Tom Brady didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. The day after an airbag saved his seventy-eight-million-dollar contract, all the money went to another airbag.
New England Patriot Tom Brady was unhurt Thursday after his Saab collided head-on with an SUV in a Boston intersection. The police said that neither driver had been drinking. This would be a perfect time for Mel Gibson to step forward and point out that sobriety kills.
San Francisco had a massive fire in suburban San Bruno Thursday following a gas line explosion. Downstate near Los Angeles brushfires erupted, while wildfires raged across Colorado. President Obama called out the National Guard to make sure that no Korans were burned.
President Obama arrived at his White House press conference in the East Room Friday without his wedding ring on his finger. The reporters in the room noticed it immediately. It was a real surprise to everybody that he's already decided not to run for re-election.
President Obama appointed fisherman John Goss to the newly-created position of Great Lakes Czar. What a challenge. Goss wants to dredge the bottom of Lake Michigan and remove all the junk down there, but it's against federal law to disturb a union burial ground.
U.S. Marines stormed a cargo ship off Somalia Thursday, rescuing both crew and cargo from Somali pirates. These pirates recognize no borders, pay no taxes and operate under no laws regulating commerce. They are the only thing keeping the global economy going.
Britain's Got Talent winner Susan Boyle broke down crying on the stage of America's Got Talent after the producers refused to let her sing her favorite song. It's so cruel. If you wonder whatever happened to your childhood friends who used to fry ants on the sidewalk with a magnifying glass, they're in Hollywood producing amateur talent shows.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton