Jewish World Review Sept. 9, 2010 / 29 Elul, 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Los Angeles police faced rioting Guatemalans Tuesday after a cop killed a Guatemalan in the park who refused his order to halt and drop his knife and talk things over. Fortunately the LAPD has had sensitivity training. They've been taught that in Central America it's taboo to act white after Labor Day.
Spider Man Dan Goodwin was arrested Monday after he scaled San Francisco's sixty story Millennium Towers condo building. The climb took twice as long as normal. When you're looking into that many windows in San Francisco it's emotionally impossible to simply move on.
Chicago Mayor Richard Daley announced Tuesday he won't run for re-election after twenty years in office. All the paperwork was wearing him out. Every time somebody in Chicago goes on a grave-robbing spree, the voter registration rolls have to be completely revised.
The White House urged lawmakers Tuesday to pass President Obama's latest stimulus spending bill which gives businesses tax incentives to hire people. Something has to be done fast. Forbes just listed the top ten industries in America and begging is up to number seven.
President Obama proposed new spending projects to try to jump-start the American economy on Monday. It will take generations of Americans to pay off the deficit and the national debt. The moment a
baby is born in America today the doctor slaps him with a ninety percent tax rate.
U.S. combat troops began arriving home in the U.S. from Iraq Monday. They find an America that's torn by ethnic, religious and political divisions. Someday psychiatrists will define the Iraq Syndrome as a condition in which you become the country you overthrow.
Zaytuna College opened in Berkeley Monday as America's first accredited Muslim college. The curriculum is Islamic studies and Arabic. Freshmen students will not be required to wear beanies on campus lest any outsider possibly get the impression they are on their way to temple.
President Obama railed against the rich Monday, saying the U.S. wasn't founded by men who were greedy and reckless. Perish the thought of greed and recklessness at our nation's birth. The U.S. was founded by three million English choirboys who wanted nothing more than the land they own and the land that adjoins it, ask any Indian.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton