Jewish World Review Sept. 2, 2010 / 23 Elul, 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama addressed the nation Tuesday to hail the end of the War in Iraq. He was in the odd position of declaring victory in a war he had bitterly opposed. Dick Cheney has changed pacemakers every three months just to make sure he didn't miss this moment.
President Obama put a new carpet in the Oval Office Tuesday lined with quotes from Abe Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, MLK, FDR and JFK expressing collectivist sentiments. It seemed skewed. Everybody needs labor votes at some point during their political careers.
White House economists pushed a second trillion dollar stimulus package Monday saying tax cuts would take too long. Why rush things? Chefs say it's better to cook on a stovetop and see what you're doing than cook in a microwave and see what you've done.
The White House issued a mandate Monday requiring every place that serves food to post the calories of each menu item. Is this wise? Buying larger sized clothes at WalMart every two months is the only thing that's keeping the U.S. economy going.
Canada's National Post called for an international law limiting each couple to one son or one daughter. It's working out that way in California. Every time an earthquake strikes, a flat screen falls off the wall and creates another one-child family.
President Obama met Wednesday with Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu. He urged the Israelis not to bomb Iran's new nuclear reactor. It's too deep underground and it would just give Iran's government another million rocks to throw at the adulterers.
Joe Biden arrived in Baghdad Monday to supervise the U.S. military changeover in Iraq. He's become our most-feared weapon. The U.S. can destroy the enemy's poppy cash crop any time simply by having Joe Biden forecast a Summer of Recovery for the Taliban.
Saddam Hussein's daughter refused comment Tuesday when the Iraq War ended. Her father spent the night before the U.S. invasion warning CBS News viewers about the upcoming insurgency. You could arraign Saddam Hussein for genocide and he'd plead no contest, but he wasn't about to be hanged for filing a false report home to Langley.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton