Jewish World Review Sept. 30, 2010 / 22 Tishrei, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama went on the Today show Monday and proposed year-round school for kids and no snack food on school campuses. The administration wants to cancel summer vacation and eliminate candy bars and soft drinks. Democrats possess a finely-honed sense of tragedy and despair which sustains them through life's brief periods of joy.
The Mercantile Exchange in New York saw the price of gold hit an all-time high of thirteen hundred dollars an ounce Tuesday. It's gotten everyone's attention. California drug gangs have stopped killing each other over street corners, now it's claim-jumping.
Jimmy Carter's Presidential Diary hit the bookstores Monday. He presided over a huge recession and a drug epidemic, while Iran held Americans prisoner. The difference is that back then Ronald Reagan was waiting in the wings and today he's waiting with wings.
The Weather Channel said Los Angeles recorded the hottest temperatures in city history Monday. No one could escape the one hundred-and-fifteen-degree heat. It was so hot in Beverly Hills that Lindsay Lohan was sticking to her plea-bargain agreement.
The United Nations named U.N. astrophysicist Mazlan Othman to be Earth's liaison to any space aliens if they contact mankind. This could result in a lot of good. Americans believe as an article of faith that there has to be cheaper labor out there somewhere.
White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel will step down Friday and return home to Illinois. He's worked for Bill Clinton, he's worked for Barack Obama, now he wants to be mayor of Chicago. Rahm once tried to go straight but all he could get was construction work.
Iran reported computer hacking into Iran's nuclear plant computers Tuesday. The U.S. government is utterly incapable of committing this mischief. President Obama asked Congress in his State of the Union speech to take action against hackers and they raised cigarette taxes.
President Obama gave a scathing interview to Rolling Stone magazine Tuesday. He chewed out Democrats for their lack of commitment to him. First he had to deny that he was a foreigner, then he had to deny that he's a Muslim, and now he has to deny that he's a chick who wants to get married.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton