Jewish World Review Sept. 22, 2009 / 4 Tishrei 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama scrapped Poland's missile defense against Russia Wednesday. It was the seventieth anniversary of Russia's invasion of Poland. Some people celebrate anniversaries by re-taking their vows but Russia celebrates them by re-taking Poland.
Mexican Independence Day was celebrated Wednesday a month after Mexico legalized pot, heroin and cocaine for personal use. It would never work here. The Medellin cartel would never fill out all the paperwork necessary to become a Medicare provider.
John Edwards was reported ready Saturday to admit he fathered his mistress Rielle Hunter's baby girl. She was a campaign worker for him. John Edwards always said that there are two Americas and to get more votes he started a family in each of them.
Mayor Mike Bloomberg ordered New York taxi companies to use hybrid cars within two years. They're great for conversation. The lousy acceleration and slow speed of these cars will give New York cab drivers something to complain about besides Zionism.
India reported Saturday that fewer Indian skilled workers are migrating to the West due to the worldwide recession. They're always welcomed in Los Angeles. The Hindu goddess Vishnu has nine arms, which is what Californians need when we're driving.
Taliban chief Mullah Omar went on the air Friday to say the Taliban is nice to women and doesn't make them cover up. He wanted to correct misperceptions. He also assured the world that Osama bin Laden is not dead, his Twitter account was just down.
Al-Qaeda posted a video threatening to attack Germany Saturday. There's a good reason why they want to take on the Germans. The terrorists are bored fighting American and British troops who play by the rules, they want to try Ultimate Fighting.
President Obama did the David Letterman show Monday after five TV appearances Sunday and five televised speeches the week before. He's gotten addicted to the sound of cheers and applause from a live studio audience. It could save a lot of travel expenses if we could get the D.C. fire marshal to approve the installation of bleachers in the Oval Office.
President Obama disagreed with Jimmy Carter Friday after Carter told NBC News that health care reform opponents are racist. Meanwhile, Democratic senators introduced a health care bill in the Senate, then distanced themselves from it. This is the scene on Animal Planet when Democrats, within sight of victory, eat each other. .
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton