Jewish World Review Sept. 3, 2009 / 14 Elul 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
New York's former governor Eliot Spitzer hinted Monday he may run for the Senate next year. His career was derailed by a sex scandal when he was outed as a call girl client. Perhaps no one can fill Teddy Kennedy's shoes, but the race is on to try.
The U.S. government pay raise for civil servants was lowered to just two percent on Monday. They deserve a raise. Now that civil servants are running the U.S. automotive, banking and housing industries, the taxpayer has never gotten a better bang for the buck.
President Obama spoke of the approaching swine flu epidemic in the Rose Garden Tuesday. He urged everybody to sneeze into their elbows. This way only square dancers will transmit swine flu to each other and it'll only kill Republicans.
Moammar Khadaffi celebrated his fortieth year as dictator of Libya Monday. All geologists say the crude oil in Libya is the lightest and sweetest in the world. It's the only oil allowed to carry the Johnny Walker label on the side of its barrels.
U.S. Postal Service officials met in Cuba about resuming mail service Tuesday. It's due. For fifty years mail has gone from Miami to Washington and then to Haiti before ending up in Cuba, and that was just for letters that were sent from Miami to Orlando.
The White House said President Obama will spell out his requirements for a new health care law in a speech next week. Congress fumbled the ball. Under Nancy Pelosi's leadership, HMOs have gone from being the most hated symbol of corporate greed in America to the greatest symbol of liberty since France gave us the statue.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi changed the on-hold music for callers to the Capitol this summer from patriotic songs to smooth jazz. Caller outrage over the change just forced her office to change it back. The transition from Yankee Doodle to smooth jazz has been a flop with the public and the change in the music didn't go over either.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton