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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

Friendship means knowing when to hold 'em … and when to walk away

By Rosally Saltsman

The art of re-connecting




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The other night, while driving back with neighbors from a celebration, the conversation in the car turned to the bar mitzvah the couple will soon be hosting at a hotel. Extended family and closest friends will be invited. I am grateful to be counted among the latter. But, the mother lamented, many of these friends are no longer on good terms with each other. The situation, she said, is like having members of your own family not talking to each other.


About twenty-five years ago, and for the better part of a decade, we were all part of a group of friends not unlike those in television sitcoms. We got together as a group and shared our plans, our dreams and our free time. In time we married, had children. As we shared the milestones of our growing up, we also grew apart as each of us faced our own challenges, grew, changed, moved away and got caught up in the triumphs and vicissitudes of life; many of which we shared with each other but many of which we couldn't.


Now, about to celebrate a milestone in their own lives, my neighbors are faced with trying to get these disparate people together to share a Sabbath and sing in harmony the way we used to. The truth is though, we are all singing our own life songs in altogether different keys.


But since we begin the month of reckoning and forgiveness, of self-examination and rectification, I would like to offer the opinion that all that has happened is not a bad thing. And not all is lost.


Firstly, all life is a process of growth which necessitates change and a parting of ways at its crossroads. The fact that we don't all walk the same path anymore only illustrates that we have made different choices not rejected our former friends. Everyone has to forge their own path in life and that means giving up older ones. We have not rejected our old lives, only embraced other initiatives.


Many times we go through our own pains and problems and that makes us be insensitive to others. It doesn't even have anything to do with them. On a recent visit to some old friends out of town, a friend told me that his daughter had been offended by me a few visits previously. Apparently she had come to hug me after not seeing me for a few years and I had shrunk back without being aware of it. When he told me this, I had cried, not only because I had insulted her, when no insult had been intended. I was happy to see her and perhaps not ready for her effusive greeting, but because I had obviously become so skittish as a result of being hurt by others that I recoiled at a true show of affection. I didn't mean to hurt her but it was an unconscious defense mechanism. While I mourn the loss of my ingenuousness, it had absolutely nothing at all to do with my desire for closeness with her.


When others hurt us, it is usually a manifestation of their own pain. People are generally not malicious, they are vulnerable and most insensitivity comes out of their own vulnerability and our misunderstanding of it. Do you really think your friends want to hurt you? Of course not. A moment of insensitivity is usually the result of a moment of inattentiveness. What cements the rift however, is the person then not taking pains to alleviate the hurt. Sometimes this is because they don't realize it because the person hasn't told them and often when they finally do, too much time has elapsed to allow the person to extricate themselves graciously from the gaff.


Another thing is that people generally want to be good. When we are different from them, often their only way of acknowledging their basic goodness is to attack our version of what is right to justify their behavior and beliefs. All fights and arguments about existential truth is the result of our wanting to do what's right and having others' beliefs and opinions threaten that. Many of us are not good at live and let live. I happen to be one of those people.


In our fight for the right, some of our friends become casualties. We must always be careful to differentiate between the other person who is our brother or sister and their value system which we don't accept. We can be true to ourselves while disagreeing with others. Also, many times our concern with the way others live their lives and truths is true concern. We don't want others to agree with us out of a selfish desire to control them but because we really truly want what's best for them. Think of your parents.


A couple of months ago, I reconnected with an old friend. I had been hurt when she had chosen to stop being in touch but by her own admission this wasn't deliberate. It just happened because she was involved with her own life, and I was admittedly with mine. Now that we have reconnected we are closer than ever and moreover what we have experienced separately over the years is enriching the relationship and making our contribution to each other's lives that much more valuable. Some relationships require us to detour away from one another only to help guide each other on our paths once we have returned. We don't ultimately part from one other until we have left the confines of this world. Relationships don't actually end they become redefined.


I don't believe that any act of reconciliation is going to make us best of friends when we reconnoiter at our friend's bar mitzvah. I do believe with a hundred percent certainty that we are going to be civil to one another and friendly even and draw on our once mutual affection to get along at least for the sake of our friends. I further believe without a doubt that we will be sharing something more important than mutual history or memories. We will be sharing the unmitigated joy of our friends' simchas and naches and we will all be under the umbrella of the love that they extended to us in inviting us to celebrate with them. Whatever storms may have raged between us, we will be sheltered from them for one weekend. And we will serve as each other's umbrellas.


In this month of introspection and retrospection, let us be grateful for the people who have shared our pasts even if they are not the most salient part of our present. I have reason to be grateful to everyone of those aforementioned if erstwhile friends because each one has shared with me a joyous time, a momentous occasion and supported me in a difficult one in ways that only your close friends can.


In this journey that we take we are each other's companions, guides and guards and when we part ways we can do so even in the most inconstant of circumstances with a wish for peace and that when our paths cross again, we acknowledge each other with a warm smile of recognition and humility not one of loss and bitterness. The road is both too short and too long to carry a grudge along with us.


As always, I hope that those with whose lives I've intersected this past year will forgive me any unintentional (or in a moment of weakness intentional) slight or indiscretion; That we will all be blessed with the best in the coming year and that as we ready ourselves spiritually emotionally and physically for the days of judgment, awe and hope, that we are blessed with peace among the nations, within ourselves and most, most importantly with one another.

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JWR contributor Rosally Saltsman has written a novel called Soul Journey. You can see it at her website, here.







© 2009, Rosally Saltsman