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May 25, 2012
Mark Clayton: Is Hillary's State Dept. hacking Al Qaeda? Not quite
Erika Bolstad: Temple cancels Wasserman Schultz speech
The Kosher Gourmet by Ethel G. Hofman: The former president of the International Association of Culinary Professionals, whose members included the likes of Julia Child, is back with contemporary Shavous cuisine: Ruby Fruit Soup, Sweet Noodle Kugel with Cheese, Key Lime Curd, Calsone Casserole Frittata with Wild Mushrooms, Sun-dried tomatoes and Olives, Baked Tilapia with Pepper Cheese Cream and Brown Sugar Shortbread
May 24, 2012
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The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS --- hold the steak!
May 23, 2012
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May 22, 2012
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Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
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Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
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The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
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Jewish World Review
Sept. 11, 2009
/ 22 Elul 5769
Happy *Q@! Birthday, Sweetie
By
Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
My nephew is getting a birthday card with penguin on it that says "Gotta Dance, Gotta Sing, Gotta Do that Party Thing!"
My nephew is 32 and a big city attorney that lives in Chicago.
I'd nearly forgotten about his birthday and it was the best I could do on short notice.
Once you step outside the sweet and saccharin genre of cards, there are three remaining categories: body noises, babes and backsides.
The last time I looked at cards I inadvertently opened one with sound that replicated a large farmyard animal, well, you can guess. Cards about flatulence are big these days. ("When you care enough to gas the very best.")
This time I was on the alert for flatulence cards, but I'll be if they didn't get me with belching. I opened a sound card, and "BLECK!"
A kid with three nose rings and a Mohawk walking down the aisle sneered at me and said, "Try saying excuse me. Were you raised in a barn?"
A lot of things come to mind when I think of birthdays cakes, candles, fire extinguishers, balloons, parties, piņatas, streamers. Passing gas and belching have never been on the list.
Is it appropriate for an aunt to send a card about flatulence? Or belching?
I picked up a card that said it was made out of recycled fabric, opened it up, and the inside was made to look like a pair of dirty underwear. I gagged and grabbed for my hand sanitizer.
All I wanted was a simple card with a quip or a pun that would let a guy know we haven't forgotten about him. You'd think I was asking for the moon. They had that, too popping out of sun roofs, on top of a dog house and on the doctor's exam table.
So much flesh, so little imagination.
Another card compared a birthday to "ping in your pants." I haven't discussed the subject of whether my nephew "had to go" since he was two. His early 30s hardly seems like the time to revisit the subject.
Another card had a picture of an elderly woman on the front. When you opened the card, the little old lady offered to "b" slap the card recipient.
It's rough out there in the greeting card aisle these days. The way things are going, it's only a matter of time before Helen Steiner Rice ventures into dirty limericks.
The research and development on greeting cards is clearly being done in bus station bathrooms.
We spend $7.5 billion in this country on greeting cards every year. In a world of texting, e-mailing and social networking, we still like a card to hold in our hands. It's one of the last remnants of a personal touch.
Too bad the personal touch now comes with an open palm followed by a right hook.
Eighty percent of all cards are purchased by women. And card companies sure wouldn't be making them if someone wasn't buying them.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.
ARCHIVES
© 2009, Lori Borgman
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