Jewish World Review Sept. 24, 2008 / 24 Elul 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Paris Hilton lost two of her pet Chihuahuas to a coyote attack last week in the Hollywood Hills. The dogs took a risk by going outside the fence and had to pay the price. That's the difference between a Chihuahua and a Wall Street investment bank.
Yankee Stadium invited old-timer fans to share ballpark memories Sunday. Ninety-year-olds said Babe Ruth wept rounding third base when he hit the stadium's first home run. Because of Prohibition he knew that was going to be the highlight of his day.
Galveston residents made plans to return home a week after Hurricane Ike. They fear looting. It didn't help Friday when television news showed Warren Buffett running across the floor of the New York Stock Exchange stuffing companies into a pillow case.
Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean's family was spotlighted by the crisis on Wall Street. His mother's side founded Merrill Lynch and his father's side founded Dean Witter. Howard Dean never liked to talk about his family's investment firms, but now that they're all broke he highlights it as his link to working-class Democrats.
The New York Post said social networking sites have replaced porn as the Internet's top draw. People would rather hook up for real than watch others have sex. Al Gore will only say now that he invented the Internet during a troubled time in his marriage.
Barack Obama said Friday there shouldn't be a bailout for Wall Street unless ordinary Americans also get help. He said he wants everyone to get a check for one thousand dollars. Everybody's excited because it's just enough for a low down payment.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton