Jewish World Review Sept. 18, 2008 / 18 Elul 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Ryder Cup pits the U.S. team against the European team this week at Valhalla Golf Club in Louisville. The golfers plan to pay tribute to one of the greats who's no longer with us. They will all be wearing black arm bands inscribed Lehman Brothers.
The Dow Jones suffered a five hundred point loss Monday after investment banks fell. Stockbrokers aren't jumping out of any windows. Real estate is falling so fast that all they have to do is hang onto the windowsill and the market does the rest.
Barack Obama said Monday's Lehman Brothers fall was the most serious financial crisis since the Great Depression. That's no way to scare anybody nowadays. Most Californians think the Great Depression ended when Franklin Roosevelt invented Prozac.
O.J. Simpson finally went on trial in Las Vegas Monday on charges of robbery and kidnapping. The robbery was caught on tape. O.J.'s agent was smart to get him booked for kidnapping because you can't get cable news coverage these days without a missing child.
General Motors celebrates its centennial Thursday by introducing the Chevrolet Volt, which runs on electricity. It's the car of the future. General Motors can't wait to show how the car can sit up on its rear wheels and beg Congress for a bailout.
Kentucky Fried Chicken hired an armored car Friday to move a piece of paper from one undisclosed location to another. It's believed to contain the Colonel's secret recipe of eleven herbs and spices. Actually it's the location of the Confederate gold.
Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will address the U.N. General Assembly next Tuesday. You know what he's thinking. He's just been informed that the Pentagon has approved selling Israel bunker-busting bombs, and he's president of the sand trap.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton