Jewish World Review Sept. 11, 2008 / 11 Elul 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The New England Patriots suffered a huge loss Sunday when Tom Brady's knee was injured. The injury must be pretty bad. The Treasury Department announced the next day that the U.S. government is going to step in and take over the New England Patriots.
Charles Barkley had his colonoscopy televised Friday to encourage black men in their forties to get the exam. Everyone's scared of them. They did one on Barack Obama and doctors found an anti-American preacher, a Chicago radical and a brother in a hut.
Reverend Jeremiah Wright was exposed Monday in an affair with a married Dallas woman. That's how he met his current wife, too. Thank God David Duchovny went to rehab for sex addiction, at the rate he was going he was headed straight for divinity school.
The Gallup Poll on Tuesday showed a startling shift in support for John McCain since the convention. the breakdown is interesting. Thanks to Sarah Palin, John McCain is so popular with white women voters he's just been asked to join a boy band.
O.J. Simpson's trial in Las Vegas began with jury selection Monday. The judge ordered jurors to stay off gambling websites that take bets on the jury's verdict. O.J. always covers the spread, it might be with blood, but O.J. always covers the spread.
Barack Obama promised Ohio voters Tuesday that he'll double charter school funding. He also promised to pay teachers for their performance and replace teachers who are no good. Students want to know what he is going to do about teachers who snore in bed.
Bill and Hillary Clinton got a standing ovation when they were recognized from the Broadway stage Sunday at the musical Hair. What a treat for the crowd. And what a coincidence that they would have bought tickets to the same show on the same night.
North Korean leader Kim Jong Il missed his nation's birthday parade Tuesday. He hasn't been seen in public, on TV or in the newspapers for a month. The first thing he did after agreeing to dismantle his nuclear arsenal was to sign with William Morris.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton