Jewish World Review Sept. 9, 2008 / 9 Elul 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Alaska sent out two-thousand-dollar dividend checks to every citizen Friday as their share of the state's oil revenue. There are active groups in the state that want to secede from the Union. Perhaps Barack Obama really is another Abraham Lincoln.
Barack Obama called for vocational training in public schools Friday. It works for Los Angeles kids. In shop class they teach boys how to do construction work and in metal work class they teach girls how to grip a steel pole and dance around it.
Barack Obama mocked the notion that John McCain and Sarah Palin were agents of change Saturday. It got Hollywood's attention. As soon as people hear that somebody has changed agents, they immediately want to know which agency is signing new clients.
Barack Obama said Sarah Palin pretends to be against earmarks when she lobbied for them and John McCain pretends to be against lobbyists when they run his campaign. That's politics. Barack Obama pretends to be black and Joe Biden pretends to have hair.
The New York Post published a poll of pet owners Sunday saying seventy percent of Americans share their beds and sleep with their animals. It's obvious why. The first thing people cancel during tough economic times is their home security service.
Las Vegas reported low attendance numbers this Labor Day weekend when expected crowds didn't show. Nevada has lost its monopoly on gaming. If people want to lose their money fifty dollars at a time the only handle they have to pull is on the gas pump.
Cincinnati Bengals star Chad Johnson legally changed his name to Ocho Cinquo on Friday. He loves to be different. The Bengals have had a lot of players pulled over by Ohio state troopers and jailed but none of them have been pulled over and deported.
Mexico suspended exports of beef and poultry to the U.S. Friday over sanitation violations. It's about time. They must clean up their act before Colonel Sanders's face turns green on the bucket and his competitor changes its name to El Pollo Yucko.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton