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Jewish World Review Sept. 20, 2007 / 8 Tishrei 5768 Hugged your Webkinz today? By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Next time you overhear co-workers talking in hushed tones about their "love puppy," "sherbet bunny" or "cheeky monkey," don't assume that it's some kind of flirtatious code. And if you hear your boss mention that his computer username is "Fluffydad," don't assume he's a perv. He has an addiction, all right, but it's to Webkinz, stuffed animals that have an online identity that requires you to feed, entertain and generally take care of them. Or else. It's hardly news that children love Webkinz. Ever since they were introduced to American kids a couple of years ago, more than a million have been sold. What is news is that parents are hooked, too. Look around; your co-workers might be angling for "magic forest charm bracelets" or some such for their Webkinz. Kinda makes you miss the days when the office funster just Xeroxed pictures of his butt. "You gotta keep them happy and healthy," said a mom-friend with utter seriousness. When her kids went to sleep-away camp this summer, she spent hours making sure that the many demands of their 10 Webkinz were taken care of. It's like real life, only it's not. Last week, while my kid checked on the food dish for her virtual pet and contemplated how much "KinzCash" she'd need to buy a virtual swimming pool, her 7-month-old kitten was rolling on the floor below her, slowly and dramatically choking on a 3-inch blade of grass that had gotten lodged in her nostril. "Hell-o," I said, "Real life happening over here!" (Since you ask, it cost a hundred bucks to sedate kitty and remove it and now I have the World's Most Expensive Blade of Grass in a little shadow box like it was one of those face-of-Jesus grilled cheese sandwiches or something.) While neglected Webkinz don't exactly die some horrible "Meerkat Manor" kind of death (Oh, and by the way, thanks, ever so, Animal Planet for last week's episode; now my kid and I can have matching nightmares), they do get the dreaded "green snout" or clutch tiny ice bags to their virtual heads when they're not well-tended. The only way to get a sick Webkinz well again is to take quizzes or perform jobs that earn KinzCash so you can buy medicine for this virtual pet that, remember now, is actually based on a smallish stuffed animal that is sitting on your kid's dresser. That's kill-your-preacher-husband-in-his-bed -then-demand-custody-of-your-kids-crazy, isn't it? Across this great nation, men of the male persuasion are shirking office work to play Webkinz games online instead of shirking office work to study their fantasy football team's stats like God and Nature intended. It's the beginning of the end, y'all. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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