Jewish World Review Sept. 20, 2007 / 8 Tishrei 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
O.J. Simpson was arrested in Las Vegas Sunday on seven charges of armed robbery of a hotel guest at Palace Station. If convicted of all the charges he could face one hundred years in prison. When O.J. Simpson goes to Las Vegas, he stays in Las Vegas.
New England coach Bill Belichick was fined Sunday for illegally videotaping his opposing coaches. He's now accused of eavesdropping on their phone communications during games. He said it's obvious the league is living in a pre-September 11th world.
Beatles producer Phil Spector got good news in his murder trial in Los Angeles on Tuesday. His jury deadlocked seven to five. Seven jurors thought he should get the death penalty and five jurors thought the death of AM radio was punishment enough.
Florida University police tasered a campus activist as he denounced John Kerry for voting for the war Tuesday. The cops shot fifty thousand volts of electricity in him. Once again somebody near John Kerry got shot while he escaped without a scratch.
U.S. Park Police said someone splashed an oily substance on the Vietnam Veterans Memorial this month. The police said that it appears to be vandalism. Kids should be required to stay in school until they learn that not every war was fought over oil.
John McCain told South Carolinians Sunday he's a Baptist even though he's been an Episcopalian all his life. Everyone has free will. If John McCain would rather spend eternity singing hymns than playing golf he's certainly made the right decision.
Hillary Clinton said Tuesday her health care plan would require every American to have health insurance. It's very innovative. Her plan will allow people who are struggling to pay for housing, for food and for college to struggle to pay for health care.
Senator Barack Obama proposed an eighty-five billion dollar tax cut Monday. He has got the looks, he's got the voice, he's got the confidence and now he's got the tax cuts. If he can just get his kids to stop speaking to him, he's Ronald Reagan.
The Federal Reserve rescued mortgage lenders Tuesday by cutting interest rates. The lower the rates, the deeper you can go in debt. So many people in Los Angeles are digging a hole for themselves that it has cut subway construction costs by two-thirds.
China evacuated two million people from its coast ahead of approaching Typhoon Wipha off the China Sea Tuesday. A public catastrophe looms. When it rains, the lead paint runs off the Barbie dolls into the streams and poisons the drinking water.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton