Jewish World Review Sept. 19, 2007 / 7 Tishrei 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
O.J. Simpson was arrested and jailed without bail in Las Vegas Saturday on seven charges of robbing a hotel guest. It started a panic. Every pit boss and blackjack dealer in Las Vegas retained counsel in case it turns out to be a city-wide crackdown.
Minneapolis Airport officials said Monday tourists are swarming the men's room where Larry Craig was arrested. It's the biggest tourist attraction in Minnesota. The Twins went into the toilet in September just to see if it would boost attendance.
Sally Field was bleeped by network censors at the Emmy Awards Sunday after she swore onstage during her acceptance speech. The audience gasped in shock. Everyone in show business just watches HBO and they had no idea the Flying Nun was still alive.
Russia asked couples to have sex Thursday to try to increase the population of Russia. The mating dance is so different today. If women anywhere in the world want any hope of getting pregnant, they need to come to bed dressed as a computer keyboard.
Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah has been petitioned by Saudi women who demand the right to drive. Women must be allowed to drive. It breeds terrorism when you have millions of men on the road and no one to let them in when they want to change lanes.
Hillary Clinton took a chance and unveiled a health care reform plan on Monday in Des Moines. It's a huge break for Newt Gingrich's presidential hopes. The last time Hillary Clinton proposed a health care reform plan she elected him House Speaker.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton