Jewish World Review Sept. 18, 2007 / 6 Tishrei 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Rudy Giuliani accused Hillary Clinton of smearing General Petraeus during the Senate Armed Services hearings Tuesday. They walked into the hearing room together shoulder to shoulder. If she smeared him he managed to wipe it off his mouth just in time.
Hillary Clinton's brother Tony Rodham was sued for fraud by a Tennessee carnival operator Thursday. It was welcome news for her campaign. You're not considered to be presidential material in this country unless you have a really embarrassing brother.
Hillary Clinton said Tuesday she'll give back the eight hundred fifty thousand dollars to donors recruited by arrested Democratic donor Norman Hsu. Her campaign plans to ask each of the donors to re-donate the money. Hillary's going back on a promise she made to herself thirty years ago that she would never do the laundry.
The Oakland Raiders on Monday signed their top draft pick, quarterback JaMarcus Russell, to a contract including a huge bonus. There's no worry about these players gambling on dog fighting. The town is so violent that the dogs bet on the gang fights.
The National Pit Bull Terrier Association asked Michael Vick's federal judge to give him a long prison sentence Thursday. The dog lovers don't kid around. They've been designated a terrorist organization by the National Association of Letter Carriers.
The New England Patriots were caught stealing New York Jets defense signals to help Tom Brady. You can't blame them. Any quarterback who has a child out of wedlock with one woman while marrying another may need a little help interpreting the signals.
Shanghai World Financial Center neared completion Thursday, giving the city the tallest building in China. It is one hundred and one stories high and faces the harbor. Before its doors were opened al-Qaeda voted the skyscraper Rookie of the Year.
Fred Thompson was attacked by opponents Friday on a website called Phoney Fred, which calls him a womanizer and a moron. No wonder he's the favorite. He would be entering the Oval Office with sixteen years of presidential experience under his belt.
China agreed Tuesday to stop using lead paint on their toys. They also put new safety standards on fireworks and cigarettes and electrical products. Not only are their products going to be more expensive, they're going to be a lot less entertaining.
Mary Winkler appeared on Oprah Winfrey Wednesday to discuss why she killed her minister husband with a shotgun in their bedroom. It was tragic. They may be the last couple ever to play Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny to try to spice up their marriage.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton