Jewish World Review Sept. 11, 2007 / 29 Elul, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The NFL kicked off Thursday before the Sunday and Monday games aired. There is a pro or college game on the air almost every night now. Advertisers have come to the conclusion that the more marriages they can break up, the more beer they will sell.
The FedEx Cup will be decided in Atlanta this week. Whoever shoots the lowest golf score receives a ten million dollar annuity at age sixty-five. If it proves popular with the public, the Republicans might finally have their Social Security plan.
Oprah Winfrey raised three million dollars for Barack Obama Sunday at her home in Santa Barbara. The tickets were two thousand dollars apiece and it was standing room only. That's how many people want to have Oprah's endorsement on their book cover.
Democratic presidential candidates met in Miami Sunday for a debate sponsored by Univision. The questions were asked in Spanish but answered in English and then retranslated into Spanish. The next morning Hillary Clinton watched the Today Show to find out she has promised citizenship to people who do the jobs al-Qaeda refuses to do.
Fred Thompson told Iowans Friday that al-Qaeda's ban on smoking was one reason why Sunnis in Anbar province changed sides and joined the U.S. It sounds nutty but it is quite logical. What's the point in being a suicide bomber who's trying to quit?
Iraqi government officials defended their record on security Sunday in anticipation of criticism by U.S. generals. They said they need a little more help. Having Iraq as your ally is like having a brother-in-law with a gambling problem and no car.
Congressman Jim Sensenbrenner hit the jackpot in the Wisconsin lottery for the second time Friday. Ten years ago he won the District of Columbia lottery. While all the other congressmen were scrambling to get on the Appropriations or Armed Services Committee, this guy had the foresight to ask for the Subcommittee on Ping Pong Balls.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton