Jewish World Review Sept. 10, 2007 / 28 Elul, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
An Osama bin Laden impersonator got by security at the Asia-Pacific conference in Sydney Thursday. It wouldn't he surprising if the real Osama showed up at the conference. Anytime you are not at a meeting, everybody there blames everything on you.
Osama bin Laden released another videotape to the world Friday. He's obviously dyed his hair and beard to get rid of the gray. It shows that Osama is more than a terrorist mastermind, he is the spokesman for a new product called Just for Mad Men.
The Hillary Nutcracker was introduced in gift shops by a Minnesota novelty firm Friday. The blonde doll is a beautiful likeness of the senator and it cracks nuts between its legs. It comes with complete directions on how to get a Senate seat.
John Edwards said Friday there should be an international anti-terrorism agency that shares intel among all countries. It won't work. Saudi Arabia is never going to tell us what it's planning to do the week before the next U.S. presidential election.
Pew Research said voters regard Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani as the least religious candidates. She's middle-Anglican Methodist and he's lapsed Catholic. They believe people mustn't wear their religion on their sleeves, that area is for cufflinks.
Germany tightened its borders Thursday to try to keep fugitive Muslim radicals from fleeing. Within hours of the order no one could get out of the country without approval. The East Germans in charge of the operation said it's like riding a bicycle.
Cindy McCain showed up in New Hampshire on crutches Tuesday after twisting her knee in a grocery store and tearing ligaments. It hurts. The McCain campaign is so low on cash that it has resorted to staging slip-and-fall accidents in grocery stores.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton