Jewish World Review Sept. 5, 2007 / 23 Elul, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
John Edwards' campaign got a boost Friday when the Democrat was endorsed by the United Brotherhood of Carpenters. It was important to get their endorsement before the next big debate. If the carpenters don't like you, the trap door is under your podium.
The Washington Nationals were accused of stealing signs in L.A. Wednesday. When the catcher wiggled his hand to the pitcher, the runner wiggled his hand to the batter. Good thing they are no longer the Senators or they'd all be arrested for lewd conduct.
The National Football League unveiled its new logo Thursday with deeper colors inside the NFL shield. They've made a lot of changes this year. Every player in the league is fired up for the season opener when the Pit Bulls take on the Rottweilers.
Hillary Clinton told David Letterman Thursday that Bill had looked into being vice president. She said it's not permitted. It would be a nice change of pace to have a vice president whose only secret agenda is to invade Cancun for the suntan oil.
Bill Clinton joined his wife at a New Hampshire fair Sunday and was cheered by the crowd. He's trying hard not to embarrass her. The only time he taps his foot in the men's room is when there is a Hong Kong donor in the next stall and the check is late.
Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards revealed Monday his health care plan would require women to get regular breast exams. It's almost impossible to believe. There are two Democrats in the race who are running on Bill Clinton's record.
Idaho Senator Larry Craig on Monday hired Michael Vick's attorney, Billy Martin. He negotiated Michael Vick's dogfighting plea. It's possible that Larry Craig has decided to plead innocent to disorderly conduct and guilty to cockfighting.
PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem hinted Thursday that drug testing of tour golfers for performance-enhancing drugs will likely start next year. It won't include pot. Marijuana is only a performance-enhancing drug if you are in a hot dog-eating contest.
North Korean leader Kim Jong Il agreed Monday to dismantle his nuclear facility in exchange for trade. He agreed to stop developing nuclear missiles and the U.S. agreed not to cut off exports of Viagra to North Korea. It all boiled down to rockets.
The Oakland Bay Bridge on-ramp rebuilding was finished ahead of time Monday and also under well under budget. The reasons are well known. Once the lettuce crop is harvested in California, construction projects move to the top of the priority list.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton