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Sept. 4, 2008

Ron Kampeas: Biden, Palin take lead in clash on Mideast issues

Bruce Dancis: With humor as their weapon, the Three Stooges took on Hitler

Sept. 3, 2008

Rabbi S. Binyomin Ginsberg: Productive school years don't just happen

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: Quick lamb stew serves up flavors of India

Sept. 2, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Costly Advice

Caroline B. Glick: Calling Israel's bluff

JWisdom: Wandering in Wonder by Rabbi Mordechai Becher

August 29, 2008

Rabbi Berel Wein: 20/20 sightlessness

Caroline B. Glick: When history is not repeated

JWisdom: Blessed or Cursed: It's Really Up to You by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 28, 2008

Steve Lipman: A Comeback for the 'Jewish Jordan'

Jeffrey Weiss: Researcher reports 'intriguing' diabetes breakthrough

August 27, 2008

Rabbi Zecharya Greenwald: Removing the perfectionist's mask

The Kosher Gourmet by Emily Nunn: Summer harvest linguine

JWisdom:: The Missing Link in Spiritual Life by Rabbi David Aaron

August 26, 2008

Yaffa Ganz: Grandma gets lessons in staying cool

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: The Dems' 'soft' jihadist

JWisdom:: Today: Holocaust in the Perspective of Faith by Rabbi Nosson Scherman: Plague of indifference

August 25, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Q: A friend is bearing a silly grudge from a supposed wrong. What recourse do I have?

Daniel Pipes: Barack Obama through Muslim Eyes

JWisdom:: The knowledge you need to overcome your insecurities by Malka Schulman

August 22, 2008

Rabbi Berel Wein: Life's essential ingredient

Caroline B. Glick: Dominos anyone?

JWisdom:: Actually, Do Sweat the Small Stuff! by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 21, 2008

Today in Biblical History by Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Popularization of Kabbalah: 20 Menachem-Av 1558 CE

Jonathan Rosenblum: Lessons from the Beyond

JWisdom: : The Olympian within is rooting for you -- yes, you! –- to go for the gold

August 20, 2008

Jonathan Tobin: Misleading Platform Platitudes

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: Chicken Salad with Asian Dressing

JWisdom: The Holocaust in the Perspective of Faith: America's Defense of the Jews --- Until WWII by Rabbi Nosson Scherman

August 19, 2008

Dennis Prager: If the Almighty doesn't exist

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Obama's Islamist problem has nothing to do with his upbringing

JWisdom: Think your life is messed up? by Rabbi David Aaron

August 18, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Business with Friends

Diana West: Roars About Russia, Bare Whispers About Islam

JWisdom: Relationship agony: The real cause by Malka Schulman

August 15, 2008

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: To love the Divine

Caroline B. Glick: Georgia, Israel, and the nature of man

JWisdom: The Truly Righteous Don't Demand Entitlements by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 14, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Confessions of broken spirit

Libby Lazewnik: The Numbers Game

JWisdom: Six Questions You'll Be Asked in Heaven? - Uh - Let's Just Take One for Now! by Gavriel Aryeh Sanders

August 13, 2008

Jonathan Tobin: Georgia should be on their minds

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: Go Greek: Pair flavorful lamb kebabs with a hearty salad

JWisdom: Human hybrids aren't science fiction by Rabbi David Aaron

August 12, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bless us

Daniel Pipes: The West's Islamist Infiltrators

JWisdom: From Sadness to Gladness: The Route from Tisha b'Av to Rosh Hashana by Rabbi Mordechai Becher

August 11, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: A Jewish view on fair pricing

Caroline B. Glick: Ignoring failure in Gaza

JWisdom: 'Communication' Is Not The Answer! by Malka Schulman

August 7, 2008

Rabbi David Gutterman: A Continuing Story With a Sustaining Goal

Rabbi Berel Wein: Mourning and morning

JWisdom: Yes, we are still in exile by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 6, 2008

David Ashenfelter: Government made military engineer's life a living hell because of his faith, Defense Department report documents

Jonathan Tobin: Speak the Truth; Defeat the Lies

JWisdom: Jewish Spirituality: Fusion or Confusion? by Rabbi David Aaron

August 5, 2008

Chris Leppek: Church/state wall beginning to crumble?

Paul Greenberg: Exit Olmert (no encore, please)

JWisdom: Serenity: Make the commitment by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin (Read by Gavriel Sanders)

August 4, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Am I taking advantage of another's psychological quirk?

Andrew Silow-Carroll: A black and a Jew walk into the White House…

JWisdom: The Holocaust in the Perspective of Faith: Edward R. Morrow visits the ‘living dead’ by Rabbi Nosson Scherman

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Sept. 28, 2006 / 6 Tishrei 5767

The world reacts to ‘news’ of bin Laden's death

By James Lileks


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Bin Laden's dead! Or not.


The French thought so, for a while; a respected Gallic journal reported that bin Laden had succumbed to typhus, of all things. The Saudis said they had no confirmation. (Note to the Saudis: People tend to wonder why you'd know such things. Is he calling up once a week to check his messages?) We've been here before. Bin Laden's death has been reported many times, but the fact that he didn't send a 9/11 anniversary video made many conclude that he's assumed cave temperature.


But let's say he's dead, just for grins. How might today's key players respond?


Ayman al-Zawahri: "Well, that's the end of the line for us, obviously. No point in going on. I'm calling the pope over for tea tomorrow, bygones be bygones. Right now we're having a going-out-of-business sale. Plans for American nuclear reactors, videotape of major bridges, this stupid suitcase nuke we bought from Russian mobsters who didn't include the combination for the locks. Everything must go. We'll even throw in a blooper reel from some of Osama's speeches. One day he was in one of those moods where you just can't pronounce `insidious Zoroastrian' to save your soul, and he gave up and started doing the speech in a Wolfman Jack imitation. He'll be missed."


Unnamed camp follower in Pakistan: "We thought he was dead a year ago, and I can tell you, the news of his death hit me hard in the heart, and the head, and the part between the heart and the head, and also the loins and right here, around the spleen? But it turns out that was actually a Tomahawk missile. Now that I learn he has been felled by an inglorious Zionist disease, I will commit myself to washing my hands nine times a day, and thus do my part for jihad. Aside from that, I'm going home to Egypt. I think I left the iron on."


Howard Dean: "After five years of failing to get bin Laden, it is remarkable that this administration still refuses to acknowledge that the illegal, ill-planned and incompetently executed war in Iraq deprived Afghanistan of the resources that could have been used to send Special Forces into sovereign Pakistani territory and sicken bin Laden three years ago. But they're perfectly content to let the victims of Katrina get typhus, and pay an ambulance surcharge because of high gas prices. In any case, the so-called death of bin Laden solves nothing, as long as we continue to enflame the world by shooting back at people who shoot at us."


Hugo Chavez: "He is dead? I bet he smells. Smells horrible. Do you smell that? Hah! Pull my finger. I wipe my nose with 20-dollar bills! Do you have the number for that woman who translated my remarks, because she sounded hot. Hah!"


President Ahmadinejad: "If a man such as bin Laden can die, then surely the cause is lost. I believe I will abandon my nukes and commit myself to reforming our government and inventing something useful the rest of the world will want to buy. Just kidding! Seriously, death to Israel."


Bill Clinton: "Now you listen, and listen good: I tried to give him typhus in 1998, but Jocelyn Elders nixed the plan. I'd also add that we signed treaties forbidding biological warfare, and there was unanimous consent among the military that we couldn't use biological agents like this, and those treaties were signed onto by Republican leadership, and Fox News covered it up because Rupert Murdoch takes money from space aliens, as Richard Clarke pointed out in his book."


Scratchy tape purporting to be bin Laden: "I'm not dead. I'm much better. Right now I am doing one-handed push-ups! I am feeling the burn!"


Perhaps in a few months it'll turn out that the French intelligence reports were inaccurate, and millions of people were needlessly disappointed.


Chirac lied, and people sighed!

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor James Lileks is a columnist for the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Comment by clicking here.

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© 2006, James Lileks

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