Jewish World Review Sept. 25, 2006 / 3 Tishrei, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Senator George Allen's mother told reporters Wednesday that she never told her son she was Jewish. The revelation added to his woes. Here he is, locked in a do-or-die re-election campaign against a Vietnam War hero, and now Iran's gunning for him.
Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said in New York Thursday he has nothing against the Jews as long as they leave Israel and go back where they came from. His words caused worldwide outrage. It was the first peaceful day Mel Gibson's had in two months.
The New York Yankees awarded the contract to rebuild Yankee Stadium Thursday to a giant construction firm headquartered in Germany. It angered a lot of the locals. No one in New York wants to see a ballgame in the House that Ruthless Built.
Colorado became the twenty-seventh state to report poisoned spinach victims Tuesday. It's dangerous to maintain a proper diet. In Los Angeles you never know what fruit, nut or vegetable you will be having with dinner until the doorbell rings.
Southern California was ringed by smoky brushfires Thursday due to Santa Ana winds. There's no hurry to put them out. Thanks to the orange light, actors and actresses look ten years younger, allowing twenty-five-year-olds to get work again.
Marie Antoinette starring Kirsten Dunst had sneak previews in Manhattan last week. It reminds us that no situation is too dire for consideration and kindness. The last thing the executioner told Marie Antoinette was to watch her fingers.
Texas governor candidate Kinky Friedman refused to apologize to the NAACP on Friday for using racist language onstage years ago. His story checks out. He was simply a Jewish country-western singer trying unsuccessfully to crossover to rap.
Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez flew home to Venezuela on Friday after he delighted audiences at the United Nations and in a Harlem church. In two days in New York he called President Bush the devil and an alcoholic and a sick man who walks like John Wayne. There's always somebody butting in line ahead of North Korea.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton