Jewish World Review Sept. 22, 2006 / 29 Elul, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Tiger Woods was enraged at a Dublin tabloid that ran a topless photo of a blonde who was falsely identified as his wife. It worked. Ever since the PGA hired the World Wrestling Federation to promote their tournaments, ticket sales are through the roof.
Saddam Hussein's new judge threw him out of the Baghdad courtroom Wednesday after one too many outbursts. The first judge was kicked off the case last week after he ruled that Saddam Hussein was not a dictator. Even Saddam objected to that.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger signed new laws Wednesday to toughen penalties on sex offenders. High-risk offenders are required to wear Global Positioning System devices. This was first suggested in Hillary Clinton's I Have a Dream speech.
Bill Clinton hosted his Global Initiative in New York Wednesday headlined by First Lady Laura Bush. Eyebrows were raised when the speaker's list included the president of Colombia. Willie Nelson's birthday is a national holiday in that country.
The Lundberg Survey reported oil prices fell three percent Monday. Americans need to get back to driving. Every time somebody on a Segway tries to cross the street in Los Angeles an SUV boots them between two telephone poles for three points.
Boeing won a contract Wednesday to spy on illegal aliens crossing the border. They will build eighteen hundred towers equipped with motion detectors and cameras. When we notify them to wash their hands before returning to work, we aren't kidding.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton