Jewish World Review Sept. 20, 2006 / 27 Elul, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Willie Nelson was ticketed in Louisiana Monday with a pound of marijuana and mushrooms in his tour bus. It's the luckiest thing that ever happened to him. If an unscrupulous dealer had sold him a bagged spinach salad it might have killed him.
Dallas Cowboy Terrell Owens said Sunday he expects a quick recovery from his broken ring finger. It's so painful he can't lift it or bend it. It's the kind of injury that forces children in Los Angeles to either drive or talk on the phone.
The U.S. Capitol was breached Monday by a man who crashed a stolen SUV through a barricade and made it to the third floor. He was carrying a handgun and crack cocaine. Casual onlookers just figured it was Mayor Barry running for higher office.
Al Gore gave a speech in New York Monday on ways to solve the world climate crisis. His tone was urgent. Al's Google stock is worth over fifty million dollars and he would be crushed if the planet were to end before he had a chance to spend it.
President Jacques Chirac remarked on U.S.-French relations Monday in New York. He said the relationship between the two countries must be one of equals, not submission. Snooty French maitre d's must seat Americans promptly no matter how they're dressed.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton