Jewish World Review Sept. 11, 2006 / 18 Elul, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Bill Clinton denounced ABC Thursday for misrepresenting his pursuit of Osama bin Laden in its movie about al-Qaeda's attack on America. He was very alert to the danger. Whenever a new threat was reported he ordered his intern under the desk.
The New York Post reported Thursday that Senator Hillary Clinton's war chest now contains the astronomical sum of forty-five million dollars. She still won't say if she is running for president. She might be trying to cure muscular dystrophy.
Tony Blair promised Parliament Thursday he will resign within one year. He's too young to retire. Katie Couric can't be feeling very secure knowing that the most trusted man in America will be available in time for the February ratings sweeps.
President Bush asked Congress Thursday for the legal authority for warrantless wiretapping. The terrorist chatter is vile, anti-Semitic and sexist. We know that because in February, three recordings got Grammy nominations for Best New Rap Artist.
The House voted Thursday to ban the slaughter of horses in order to sell the meat for human consumption. It was sold mostly overseas. Race horse owners will now have to think of some other threat to teach their stable that life isn't all romance.
Vanity Fair published the first photographs of Tom Cruise's baby daughter on the October cover. The infant looks really exhausted. Three times a night her father wakes up the entire household with his crying over losing the Paramount deal.
Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a law preventing California felons from playing collegiate athletics. It was just in time. At the rate the Texas Longhorns are getting arrested it won't be long before they are measuring first downs with real chain gangs.
Bill Ford resigned as head of Ford Motors Thursday after humiliating losses and falling prestige in his five years as president. The resemblance ends there. Bill Ford did not get bogged down in Iraq, he lost to Germany and Japan like a man.
Illinois former governor George Ryan on Wednesday got six years in jail for racketeering. He's carrying on a long tradition. The reason Illinois politicians wear pin stripe suits is so they never have to bring a change of clothes to prison.
Mexico's high court Tuesday declared Felipe Calderone the winner of Mexico's presidential election. It wasn't that close. The loser won every state south of the Rio Grande but was overwhelmed when the write-in vote arrived from Los Angeles
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2006, Argus Hamilton