Jewish World Review Sept. 1, 2006 / 8 Elul, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Dallas Cowboys star Terrell Owens agreed to practice on Tuesday. He's nursed a sore left hamstring ever since he got a ten million dollar signing bonus. They never should have given it to him in cash and let him put it in his left hip pocket.
CNN's Kyra Phillips went to the restroom with her microphone on Tuesday during President Bush's speech. Viewers heard casual girl talk as the commander-in-chief's lips were moving. Everyone thought that the president's credit card had been stolen.
Bill and Hillary Clinton visit the New York State Fair today. This is their favorite day of the year together. Nothing puts a charge into their marriage like when they return home to empty their coats and see who lifted the most wallets.
The Oil Price Information Service predicted on Tuesday that the price of gasoline in the United States will fall to two dollars per gallon by November. Motorists were incredibly relieved to hear it. They thought the election would never get here.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad dismissed the threat of sanctions Monday and proclaimed Iran's right to nuclear development. Is he seriously expecting the United States to negotiate on this? Perhaps Japan should explain to Iran what it means when you're dealing with a country whose State Department building is named after Harry Truman
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton