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Jewish World Review Sept. 19, 2006 / 26 Elul, 5766 Poll: In Match-up Between Hillary and Kerry, Most Democrats Would Choose Suicide By Andy Borowitz Survey spells trouble for Dems, pollster says http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | A new survey of Democratic voters indicates that in a hypothetical match-up between Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and former presidential nominee John Kerry, most Democrats would choose suicide over either candidate. The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota's Opinion Research Institute, shows Mr. Kerry drawing 21%, Sen. Clinton 18%, and various forms of suicide 61%. "Throwing yourself in front of a speeding city bus" was the most popular means of suicide at 22%, with "jumping off the roof of a really tall building or bridge" coming in second at 17%. According to pollster Rockwell Pritchard, the surging popularity of suicide bodes ill for both Sen. Clinton and Sen. Kerry as potential presidential candidates in 2008. "It's still very early, but even at this stage of the game the prospect of one of those two being nominated shouldn't be making Democrats want to kill themselves in these numbers," Mr. Pritchard said. Reached at his home in Massachusetts, Sen. Kerry pointed out that while he did not do as well as suicide, he still polled higher than Sen. Clinton, adding, "That's better than a sharp stick in the eye." But Mr. Pritchard was quick to throw cold water on Mr. Kerry's upbeat assessment: "In a head-to-head match-up, a sharp stick in the eye beats Sen. Kerry by a two-to-one margin." Andy's Archives Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. BOROWITZ'S LATEST "The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers"   This book has page after page of "news stories" too hot, too controversial, too   —   yes, shocking   —   for the mainstream press to handle. Sales help fund JWR. Comment by clicking here. JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. © 2006, Andy Borowitz

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