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Jewish World Review Sept. 5, 2006 / 12 Elul, 5766
CNN switches to all-polygamy format
By Andy Borowitz
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Becomes first 24-hour Polygamy News Network
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
CNN rocked the television news industry today by announcing that it would begin
covering news about polygamy and nothing else on a 24-hour basis.
For many viewers who had noticed a sharp uptick in the amount of its polygamy news
coverage in recent days, the announcement that the network would switch to an
all-polygamy format did not come as a total surprise.
Still, CNN spokesperson Carol Foyler said at a press conference in New York that the
network's decision to become the first all-polygamy news service was "an important
strategic move."
"For years, CNN has been covering wars, hurricanes, and terrorist attacks around the
world," Ms. Foyler said. "But those so-called 'news' stories were a departure from
our real mission, which is to report about pervs with nineteen wives."
"This is going to be a big change for all of us, but sometimes change is just what's
needed," said Wolf Blitzer, host of the rechristened CNN show "The Polygamy Room."
Ms. Foyler said that CNN would reassign reporters covering the White House and the
Pentagon to the new CNN news headquarters in Hildale, Utah.
CNN anchor Lou Dobbs said he would no longer obsess about illegal immigration but
would instead report on "horny polygamists trying to sneak into our country."
Even as CNN navigates its transition to becoming the first all-polygamy network, Ms.
Foyler said that it would still cover a non-polygamy news story if it is of national
importance: "And by that I mean JonBenet."