Jewish World Review Sept. 16, 2005 / 12 Elul, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
USC announced Tuesday that beer sales on game day at the
Coliseum will be cut off at opening kickoff. It's ingenious. For
the first time in eighty years someone has finally figured out a
way to get Los Angeles fans to show up on time for a game.
Los Angeles was hit with a massive power outage Monday,
raising fears that al-Qaeda was in town. It turned out to be a
goof by workers at the Burbank power station. Al-Qaeda would never
attack Hollywood, if only out of professional courtesy.
Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco said Monday the number of
hurricane refugees is uncountable. It's true. One Cajun told
reporters he lived in the bayou all his life and knows some
Boudreaus, Thibideaux and Landrys, but he never met any Refugees.
Cuba repeated its offer Wednesday to send the U.S. sixteen
hundred doctors for hurricane relief. Castro has nothing to lose.
The doctors in Cuba have heard how bad the doctors here have it
and there's no fear that they will want to stay in this country.
The White House announced Wednesday it will fortify the
U.S.-Mexican border by building fences equipped with television
cameras. It will be expensive. Any Mexican who makes four camera
appearances automatically qualifies for Screen Actors Guild
Democrats failed to paint John Roberts as a reactionary during confirmation hearings this week. They cannot have it both ways. Democrats can't say John Roberts is going to be on the bench for the next thirty years at the same time they are saying George W. Bush is going to blow us all to kingdom come before his term expires.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton