In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Sept. 30, 2005 / 26 Elul, 5765

Old, er, reliable rules for aging

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The husband has once again violated the Rules for Aging. He went into details about my age with another man. Granted, he was a little man and only four-years-old, but still, you can appreciate my indignation.

We had loaners stay with us over the weekend, two little ones who belong to younger friends. A comment was made about me being on the short end of the spectrum and I said to the boy, ‘Yes I am kind of short, and you're kind of short, too, but you have many years ahead of you in which you can grow. I on the other hand am probably as tall as I'm going to get. ’

‘You might grow some, ’ he said. ‘How old are you? ’

‘How old do you think I am? ’

He struck a pose of utmost seriousness and said, ‘Are you 20?’

Amazed at the boy's keen eye and obvious intellect, I said, ‘Yes, I'm 20-plus. ’

‘She's 20-plus all right, ’ the husband interjected. ‘Do you want to know how old she really is? ’ (The man is so helpful at times, it is painful.) ‘She is as old as your dad and you and your sister put together. ’

The boy looked bewildered. In an attempt to clarify, I told the boy my actual age. His jaw dropped, his eyes bugged, and his face bore a look of utter horror.

We monitored him for further signs of trauma throughout the weekend, and with the exception of crying in his sleep, ‘Blow out the candles! Blow out the candles! ’ he appeared fine when we returned him to his parents.

Some years ago, I constructed four essential Rules for Aging. I have repeated them often to the husband, but what with short-term memory loss creeping in, he tends to forget. Let us review:

Rule No. 1: We don't talk about age. Ever. It's boring. Besides, age is largely irrelevant, allowing for two notable exceptions: You are being carded for a drink or submitting your photo to Willard Scott for placement on a Smucker's jam jar.

Rule No. 2: We don't talk about bodily functions. There is a tendency as people age to publicly discuss private matters such as internal plumbing. Bodily functions need be discussed only with your care giver, close family members, and your most intimate of friends. Katie Couric may have chosen to take a camera crew with her, but for the rest of us, what happens at the doctor's office, stays at the doctor's office.

Rule No. 3: We will continue to be snappy dressers. This might be a stretch, as neither of have us ever been particularly snappy dressers in the past, but the point is we will not be using age as an excuse to schlep. We will be current — or at least no more than five years behind contemporary fashion trends.

Rule No. 4: We're going to pay close attention to our table manners. We're not going to start slouching, eating directly from serving bowls, having breakfast standing at the kitchen counter and dinner watching Vanna flip letters. We will continue to use napkins, talk only between bites, and use forks starting from outside, and working in.

Oh yes, one more thing: Contrary to what the husband implied to our little friend, my picture won't be on a Smucker's jar anytime soon.

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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.


© 2005, Lori Borgman