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Jewish World Review Sept. 23, 2005 / 19 Elul, 5765 I’ll have one cup of tea — and downsize it, please By Lori Borgman
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
When a waitress brought me a cup of tea the other day, I didn't know whether to pick it up and drink it, or to take my shoes off and wade in it.
The cup was two parts dog dish and one part horse trough. It was so huge that had I nodded off between sips and gone face down, I would have required a water rescue.
One cup of tea, please. And could I get that with lemon and a life jacket on the side?
Do you know how you cool a hot beverage that comes in a container that large? You don't. You wait until the waitress passes by and ask for an oscillating fan with an extra long extension cord.
Then there's the challenge of drinking from a receptacle this big. Physically, it is impossible to lift such a large cup with one hand, so your options are to either hoist the cup with both hands or simply bend over and slurp.
Once you manage that first drink, you are struck by the fact that your entire head is disappearing into the bowl of the cup. Everywhere you look there is tea. It is like diving to the bottom of a pool, only the pool smells like Earl Grey instead of chlorine.
This is all part of our Super-Size-It world where the standard sizes have become Big, Bigger, Biggest and Feeds the Entire State of New Jersey.
The burger people started these size wars. First it was the Big Mac, then the Whopper, then the Thickburger.
And as I write, there is probably a franchise somewhere dishing up an entire side of beef, wrapped in bacon, on a sesame seed bun slathered in butter and mayo.
One can only hope a burger that large will come with a guarantee that once you finish it, the franchise that sold it agrees to roll you out to your car or to the nearest heart hospital (diner's choice!).
Last week, I was at a restaurant that offered a slab of 16-layer-chocolate cake on the dessert menu. Even I will admit that anything after layer 13 is probably excessive.
And now comes Mega M&Ms. Picture regular M&Ms on steroids and with some serious water retention problems, and you have the Mega M&M.
These days, an entrée salad is often big enough to serve a family of four, the half-portion can easily serve two, and most of the appetizers are large enough to double as the main course and fill a doggy bag as well.
I know, I know, some of you are saying this craving for larger portions isn't our fault; it's in our genes — the "can't-stop-eating gene," a gene that causes people to eat everything they are offered.
It's not our fault — the canapés are beyond our control. We are no longer masters of our destiny, the stuffed mushrooms are.
By the way, the record for the largest hamburger is held by Rutland, N. Dak., set some 20 ago. The town made the World's Largest Hamburger, 3,591 pounds, which was consumed by some 8,000 people.
Today that burger would be consumed by a party of one.
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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.
© 2005, Lori Borgman
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Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
