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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 20, 2013/ 14 Elul, 5773

Fidel confesses

By Tom Purcell




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | After celebrating his 87th birthday last week, semi-retired communist dictator Fidel Castro did something nobody expected him to do: He contacted Pope Francis to hear his confession.

"Forgive me, pontiff, for I have sinned. Is 65 years since last confession."

"Sixty-five years!" said the pontiff. "This is going to be a long one. Go on, Fidel."

"As a boy, I once cheat on an exam."

"Yes?"

"As a teen, I once steal a melon from market."

"Yes?"

"And in 1959, I and my rebel forces squash evil dictatorship of Fulgencio Batista so common man could share wealth of great Cuba, and to ensure sharing, I imprison and kill my enemies, seize most property and become new dictator of Cuba!"

"Have you ever considered cutting back on your caffeine, Fidel?"

"Then in 1961, great Fidel rise against Yankee imperialists and win victory at Bay of Pigs! For many years, Fidel squash American attempts to dispose of him. And today, Fidel's great revolution continues! In my country, wealth is shared between rich and poor."

"Wealth, Fidel. What wealth?"

"Cuba boasts largest fleet of 1950 Studebakers in all of Caribbean."

"Look, Fidel, confession is about truth. The truth is that your country is a wreck. Your buildings are falling down. Your people eat scraps. Nobody has ever ridden a flotilla from Miami to your shores."

"What you getting at, pontiff?"


"You, sir, are on the wrong side of truth and history. How many communist countries have to fall before you realize that central planning doesn't work?"

"Pontiff, you speak words of American capitalist pigs!"

"Hel-loooo! Anybody home? Fidel, the Soviet Union has unraveled. Your $5 billion annual stipend is gone. Yet while your people live in squalor, you live in splendor, drinking wine and sleeping on silk sheets."

"Dictator must keep up appearances."

"But not only are your people poor economically, you have bankrupted them spiritually."

"Spiritually?"

"You discouraged the practice of religion, Fidel. You seized paintings of Jesus Christ from your people's homes. You shut down the Catholic schools, even though you received an excellent education in one. And only in the later years of your dictatorship did you begin allowing people to worship G0D openly."

"With all due respect, pontiff, your mythical G0D is not solution to any problem. All problems are economic. Only reason Cuba not richer is because of evil American embargo against my people!"

"Fidel, I dislike the U.S. embargo because it hurts the poor worst of all. But the primary reason your people suffer is because of you. You have imposed a system on them that stifles freedom, creativity and spirituality."

"But Fidel's revolution not complete! You will see, pontiff! Day will come when forces of history overturn your mythical G0D and Cuba's classless society be heaven on Earth!"

"Look, Fidel. There is right and there is wrong, and each is measured by our G0D. Whether or not you believe in G0D, the only way to prosper and be at peace is to align ourselves with human truth."

"Truth?"

"America is far from perfect, but its political system is closer to truth than yours is, Fidel. Freedom is the only path to prosperity. And if you set your people free, great things will follow."

"Fidel thanks pontiff for hearing confession, but Fidel can never agree with you."

"And I cannot complete your confession if you are not contrite. All I can say is that it is good that you allow your people to hang pictures of Jesus Christ in their homes again."

"Pictures of Jesus Christ? But Fidel thought they were pictures of Fidel!"

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR Contributor Tom Purcell, author of 'Misadventures of a 1970's Childhood,' is a nationally syndicated columnist. Comment by clicking here. To visit his web site, click here.


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