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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

Respond like mates --- not like parents

By John Rosemond




The most serious and common of child-rearing problems

JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) A fellow in West Virginia asks, “My wife and I need to agree concerning our children. She sees things one way, and I see things a completely—and I mean completely— different way. How can we get on the same page?”

This is certainly the most serious and common of child-rearing problems. I suspect — but know of no research that backs the suspicion — that it is better for a child to be raised by a single parent than it is for a child to be raised by two people who are not of one parenting mind.

In the past, when people have asked me this question, I have said, “I don’t know. I mean, there is no pat answer. The solution depends on the two people in question, how willing they are to make compromise, and so on.”


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In other words, I was thinking like a negotiator, a mediator. I was thinking that solving this problem would require that each individual give up some “territory” and accept less than what they want. But I’ve lately been giving this a lot of thought along with talking and listening to lots of people, and I think I now have the pat answer people are looking for. It’s actually quite simple.

The breakthrough occurred when I realized that this problem is new. Just 50 years ago, it was rare to find parents who were not on the same page. Today, the opposite it true. Why? The answer is not that those females submitted to male authority in the home. That’s neo-feminist poppycock. Nor is it that those parents had to deal with fewer issues than do today’s parents, and more complicated parenting translates to a higher likelihood of disagreement, blah blah. Nope, that’s not it either.

The biggest difference between then and now is that kids in the 1950s and before were raised not by mothers and fathers but by husbands and wives. This problem of the male and female not being on the same page is prevented when those two people act primarily from the roles of husband and wife. Conversely, it is all but inevitable if they act primarily from the roles of father and mother.

Why? Because men and women see things — everything! — differently. A man and a woman who witness the same event from the same vantage point will describe it differently. Likewise, a man and a woman who raise the same children in the same home are seeing things from two different gender-determined perpectives; therefore, they struggle to get on the same page.

The only way for a man and a woman to share a common perspective on their children is to act primarily as husband and wife. That simply means they are in a far stronger, more active relationship with one another than they are with their kids. Being on the same page concerning their kids flows naturally from the fact that their first obligation, their first commitment, is to one another. One flesh, one mind.

Mind you, that’s how to get on the same page. Don’t ask me how to get a man and woman in the same paragraph, much less the same sentence. I’ve been married long enough to know that same page is about as good as it gets.

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John Rosemond is a psychologist, family therapist and nationally known expert on parenting issues


Previously:


Feelings need to be under intellectual control
Parents, stop destroying the American male
Don't confuse fulfilling a child's 'needs'with being an overprotective parent
Parents without borders
Today's parents frustrated with lack of instant gratification
Parenting resolution revolution
Ignore your kids
Success stories of parents setting boundaries
Parenting 101 in session (Conclusion)
Parenting 101 in session, Part I
'Gifted' children, who aren't
Get away from 'psychological thinking'
What do today's children seriously lack that children in the 1950s and before enjoyed in abundance?
'Fixing' Son's Shyness
Mothers who fall short --- by design
To tell a child 'You can be anything you want to be' is irresponsible
Family 'democracy' can turn to tyranny
'Because I said so' signals strong parental leadership
It's time for parents to get their heads out of the '60s





© 2011, The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.). Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.