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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Aug 2, 2012/ 14 Menachem-Av, 5772

Toasting culture's absurdities

By John Kass

John Kass


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | As many of you know, the Kassopedia is a compendium of the world's great knowledge, from how liberals get their wings to the translation of Kissitupta. And we Americans share our knowledge with everyone, regardless of whether they want to hear it.

So here goes: Kassopedia Volume III.

Biggest Loser Tax Credit: Michelle Obama and New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg are on a crusade against fat kids, so the logical extension of the nanny state is this: On Tax Day, every child in America will be weighed and pinched by calipers wielded by government officials. If the kid's body fat is within norms, mom and dad will receive federal and state tax credits. And for those who don't make weight? Their parents will be fined (or taxed), and we'll find out what it really means to be the biggest loser. Parents who can't pay will be tossed into Fat Debt Prison, to rot until their chubby children redeem them. But kids who play soccer don't have to worry. Their parents are protected.

Beecist: People who say they like bees and brag that they have friends who like bees, and they enjoy tasty honey. But they don't want any bees moving in next door because it might lower their property values. Those are beecists.

Beeophile: Someone who loves bees and cultivates hives, and shares honey, like Chicago's true Beeophile, the legendary "Slim the Legman," beekeeper and journalist Liam T.A. Ford.

Child Shield: A defensive weapon used by mayors to win approval for controversial speed camera programs linked to a politically connected consultant. E.g. If it saves one child, the (cameras, casino, other political project) will be worth it.

Dibs: Don't even worry about dibs now. Just keep frying that egg on your forehead.

"Dog-friendly" dining: A truly stupid idea allowing cafes or restaurants to permit dogs into their patios and outdoor seating areas, so dogs can "go" right next to some poor chumbolone newspaper columnist trying to eat the overpriced veal chop. And as he chews, two ideas compete for attention in the chumbolone's mind. 1) Is this really veal? 2) Why do dogs always have that facial expression when they do it?

Etnicks: According to a wise man, "Chicago was built by the labor of impoverished immigrants, many of whom were Europeans. In Chicago, the descendants of the Europeans are called 'etnicks.'" They fled their homelands due to the ruthlessness of bloodsucking warlords. But once established in Chicago, the self-destructive etnicks elected new bloodsucking warlords. Go figure.

Flaming ears: A wonderful Turkish barbering technique. Every man should try it. Every woman should get her man to try it, unless of course, she suffers from the heartbreak of ear hair. Then she should try it, too. Required: A gracious Turkish barber and a flame to singe the hair.

Happy Heifer Babies: (1) A sci-fi nightmare gone terribly real: Chinese scientists are using cloning technology to fold human genes into the DNA of dairy cows. They hope to make a fortune selling "breast milk" to women who can't or won't nurse their infants. (2) The end of civilization as we know it, and you just knew China would be involved.

Hog vs. Pig: "I don't want to be a hog. I just want to be a pig," former Cook County Commissioner Joseph "Piggy" Moreno allegedly said on a federal wire, before he was indicted in a bribery scheme. Does Piggy know any hogs in Chinatown? Oink. Oink.

Kissitupta: In ancient times, etnick kids who foolishly dropped their last piece of candy onto the ground would cleanse it with a special prayer. We'd brush off the candy, raise it to the heavens and say: "God made dirt. Dirt don't hurt. So kissitupta G0d 'n' eat it." And we did.

Liberal Angels: Each time a tax is raised, a liberal gets his wings. From the American film classic, "It's Not Such A Wonderful Life Anymore, Is It?"

Okreos: The nanny state's new delicious after-school snack - milk and Okreos. When unhealthy Oreos are prohibited by law, parents may replace them with cookies made entirely of okra, that healthy but slimy green vegetable that your mom fed you 'cause she really hated you.

Romney's Etch A Sketch: Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney doesn't have to worry about conservative principles. "Everything changes," said a top mouthpiece. "It's almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all over again." Shake, shake, shake.

RST (Random Sweat Transfer): (1) When some sweaty person bumps up against you in a crowd and slimes you with his or her unwanted arm, back or leg sweat. (2) An acceptable defense in a criminal trial. Accused: "Yerroner, I was mindin' my own business when dat guy RST'd me on the Orange Line." Judge: "He RST'd you? Case dismissed!"

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Comments by clicking here.



Previously:



04/24/12: Why do you have to sell your privacy to win?
10/13/11: Stupid things men say to pregnant women
09/26/11: Desk zero: ‘Contagion’ lurks just outside office bathroom
09/08/11: Light up your lottery tickets, pass the Hopium
08/31/11: It was only a paper moon , but a legendary hoax
05/27/11: For 2012, it's Obama vs. the smoothies
05/05/11: Is it time to de-friend Pakistan?
04/12/11: China stretches the bounds of decency with cow-human-breast milk
03/23/11: No you're not in control; get over it
02/28/11: Chicago wanted a strongman, and it got one
01/26/11: Oh, c'mon, c'mon, Rahm-bo a victim? That's a stretch
12/13/10: WikiLeaks and Assange pretend there are no consequences
12/09/10: Trendy toys don't stand up to playthings of yore
10/11/10: Obama and his pals need some scarce Hopium for the next election
09/14/10: Obama gets a little bossy with tacit endorsement of Emanuel
08/18/10: Dead Meat walking, but heat to be applied again
07/28/10: No verdict, but Blagojevich trial still has its winners, losers
07/26/10: Obama's fall guy in Shirley Sherrod case is Vilsack the Pooh
07/21/10: Loathing of Steinbrenner softens after his death
07/19/10: Summertime, and the race cards are easy
06/28/10: Does Congress have the guts to fix what court gutted? Honestly, no
12/17/09: Belt-tightening presidential aspirant leaves room for Spam
09/27/09: ACORN can teach the GOP a thing or 2
09/03/09: Blago as author gets it wrong yet again 06/22/09: Obama's latest political play should shock no one
06/17/09: Presidential satire takes Hopium break
06/11/09: E-Verify works, so, of course, let's not use it
06/09/09: First Lady Macbeth's the man, so in your face, Eminem
06/02/09: Judge Sotomayor would think me most unwise
05/12/09: Parents, enjoy this time, in all its creepiness
03/18/09: Stem cell policy shift brings a sinking feeling
03/09/09: Name That Blago Book contest names its winner
03/05/09: Contest: Name Blagojevich's book
02/16/09: Dems undercut aid for U.S. workers
01/20/09: Let the carving begin on Tombstone's tomb
01/12/09: Obama serves Reid taste of Chicago Way
01/02/09: Jesters don't pick up the race card in a nationally televised news conference and slam it into the face of every Dem in the Senate, a palm heel strike to the tip of the nose, leaving all of them watery-eyed, their lips stinging
12/24/08: Governor waxes poetic, but Combine rolls on
12/23/08: Got corruption? Get Jesse Junior G-Man
12/18/08: Will ‘feditis’ spread to Obama and Daley?
12/15/08: Man behind curtain is wizard of Rod, Rahm

© 2011, Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

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