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Jewish World Review Copying her daughter? That's so Lohan! By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The Princess, 14, barely raised an eyebrow when I told her that a new study by the "Journal of Consumer Behavior" finds that teenage girls are a huge fashion influence on what their mothers buy for themselves. You read that right. Not the other way around. She simply looked at me, very slowly, from head to toe, without saying a word. But then, no words were needed as I stood before her in one of my favorite summer ensembles: Toms shoes (not JUST like hers, silly, mine are a cool, more mature stripey look than hers, I swear), jeans (OK, not mom jeans but, really, it's not like I'm a Duggar), and a T-shirt bought at the Never Shout Never concert I took her to a few months ago, which was totes cool, b-tee-dubs. OK, I may have a little problem. Here's the thing. It's not like I want to be Dina Lohan, with her creepy penchant to buy EXACTLY the same outfit as daughter Lindsay. I just find that I can't get excited about the clothing targeted to women my age. Chico's? Not bad, but they tend to try too hard. Why do they think a 50something woman is going to feel hip just by wearing a gauzy hippie skirt and 14 turquoise chains? The models all look like members of some freaky desert-worshipping sect. Talbot's? Fine for basics but all that crisp tailoring is snooze-inducing. Coldwater Creek? Somewhere between Chico's and Talbot's with its weird obsession with huge displays of candles and useless crap that has nothing to do with clothing. You go in for a shirt, you leave with a wine carafe that says "Virgo!" or some such. What the what? And don't even get me started on the oatmeal colored obsession that is J. Jill. All their clothes are the same exact shade of Edward Cullen's face, before the exciting sparklies appear, mind you. Department stores are the absolute worst for making you feel matronly with their ghastly collections of plaid shirts layered over sad pedal pushers for the "mom on the go"! I assume she's going to rehab because she would have to be crazy drunk or high to buy that stuff. The Princess listened to this admittedly defensive rant with mild interest. It's not like I'm buying clothes at Forever 21. That often. The study reported that teen girls aren't happy with this copycat trend, concluding: "They want their own identity and then the mother goes out and mimics them." Yeah, well I want a million dollars. Whoa. That wasn't very grown up. The solution is simple. Designers need to realize that just because we're moms of teenagers, we haven't given up entirely. "One day, when you're my age, you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about," I said to the Princess, pausing to admire my sick new feather earrings in her full-length mirror. Yeah, I said sick. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. A few swift kicks in the seat Buy my %*&^ing book! Shellacked in a foreign language College degree can be had in 3 days She'll take names, and then call them losers I beg of you, spare the ‘Children’ Release the hoards Brace yourself for a luxurious smile, and a big bill Speaking her mind by pushing his buttons She'll have another shot of mugs Polygamy may only get one season A picture is worth $1,000 for retouching Not cancer, still a big fat pain A text is worth 1,000 words Ready for some laughs again Now men don't have to work out either Hormones rule home of Princess and mom Add some oohing, cooing to your kitchen Tweeting puppy a perfect pet … for twerps Science fair spurs on hyper parents Cat naps aren't all that popular among felines Nightmare in the mall's dead zone America: Cut out the need to be cute Taking a page from a ‘Mad’ mother She's adding truth serum to her Cap'n Crunch Snuggie ensnares another victim, er, admirer Florida can keep its snakes She's homeless . . . but for $95 she can go home with your princess Southern fish experiencing identity crises Monkey baby big business for the small-minded All mommixed up? Try keeping toes in a breath-mint tin Thunder thighs finally get revenge Where would I be without the digested read? Butter buds: Julia and Celia Facebook is for ‘old’ people, too, missy Ch-ch-ch-changes Getting refreshment not berry smooth in age of mass marketing Reality show lowers her IQ to sub-dirt levels Cuddle parties are the latest weird trend Middle school is a whole new game and these players are vicious If the first lady can dig in the dirt, why can't I? Somehow, we've all lost our internal censors Not to rub it in, Barbie, but you're old Some things you probably don't need to know about your friends Big family, big ratings, big mess Fred Mertz for vice president Women and tools are like grease, water Runners are a different breed of folk altogether Don't get all bento out of shape For you, Princess? I'll buy junk Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check Reality show amuses yet repels viewer Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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