Jewish World Review August 23, 2011 / 23 Menachem-Av, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The School Nutrition Association complained Friday kids only get a half-hour for lunch at school, saying it contributes to obesity and keeps kids from savoring the lunchtime experience. It's ridiculous. Kids should not be encouraged to have a cigar after a good meal.
New York's Mercantile Exchange reports the price of gold reached an all-time high of eighteen hundred dollars an ounce Thursday. There was panic in the streets. A flash mob spotted Mr. T walking along Hollywood Boulevard and looted him, making off with millions.
Alexander Historical Auctions set off outrage Friday by selling old Nazi memorabilia like autographed photos of Hitler and birthday cards signed by the Fuehrer. Some of it may be counterfeit. The Nuremburg rallies never staged a Hitler Bobble Head Doll Night.
President Obama dictated a new immigration policy Friday allowing illegal aliens to stay in the U.S. if they don't have criminal records. He can't send back them down there. Mexico's economy is rebounding and putting people together with jobs is against U.S. policy.
President Obama is staying this week at Blue Heron Farm on Martha's Vineyard. The island is a perfect getaway for U.S. presidents. Martha's Vineyard Island was originally settled as a spiritual retreat for Methodist ministers, which explains the three golf courses.
Michelle Obama took a separate jet to Martha's Vineyard Thursday a few hours before the president took Air Force One there. It cost the taxpayers a bundle. Add her name to the list of people who are working to make sure President Obama doesn't get re-elected.
Wall Street trading was reported Friday to be keeping New York restaurants jumping during the normally slow August. However, SEC employees are said to be put out by the unexpected workload. The best way to cut government spending is to walk into every government office late on Tuesday afternoon, wish them a good weekend and then change all the locks.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton