Jewish World Review August 15, 2011 / 15 Menachem-Av, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Mitt Romney brushed aside hecklers at the Iowa State Fair on Thursday. He decided to campaign hard leading up to the straw poll. Mitt spent two hours that night calling up Iowa voters personally but half of them hung up after a minute thinking it was a robo-call.
The Lundberg Survey said Thursday that falling oil prices could lead to three-dollar-a-gallon gas by this fall. That's good news for all the people who will be sleeping in their cars and SUVs. They'll be able to afford to move every three hours so they don't get a parking ticket.
New York cops saved a man about to leap sixty stories off the roof of Rockefeller Center Monday. A cop climbed onto the ledge and convinced him not to jump. The White House just hired the cop as a speechwriter to do all of the president's economic statements.
Wall Street rebounded sharply Thursday in the stock market's fourth straight day of four-hundred-point up-and-down swings. The stock market needs to have its meds adjusted. Anybody who says that laughter is the best medicine has never taken Vicodin.
The White House gave CIA access to a friendly Hollywood producer making a movie on the Osama bin Laden kill. The film will make the president look like a super hero. Still, it's not going to get Obama re-elected to star in a movie called Captain United Nations.
Celebrity Research conducted a poll on Thursday finding that Casey Anthony is the most hated person in America. She was followed by Octomom and O.J. Simpson. To the eternal frustration of Democrats, Americans continue to be mad at people with no money.
British officials sought advice from U.S. and Scottish police over how to control street gangs in the wake of London's rioting and looting Thursday. It was fearsome. Karl Marx was right one hundred fifty years ago when he wrote that free health care leads to free TVs.
Philadelphia's mayor spoke at a black church Sunday and ripped youth for engaging in flash mob looting. It seems to be racially based. Last week a flash mob in Los Angeles swarmed a Best Buy and stole everything on the music aisle except the country music CDs.
President Obama told a Ramadan dinner Wednesday that Islam has always been a part of the American family. He pointed out that Muslims also died in the World Trade Center attack. Of course, if they hadn't brought box cutters on the plane they would be alive today.
Broadcast Weekly said Thursday the weak economy is resulting in many Americans canceling their cable TV. They can get all their shows via Netflix. People used to watch cable for the news channels but the nausea medication is making it too pricey these days.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton