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Jewish World Review August 11, 2011 / 11 Menachem-Av, 5771 Relax. There is no Death Star By Dale McFeatters
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
In bad times -- and these current times are none too good -- we need something totally pointless to worry about to take our minds off our real problems. I'm sure there are people who felt a certain let down when the world didn't end last May 21.
Think of those people who had to return their new fully loaded Corvette to the dealer because one of their real problems was they had no hope of making the payments. If the world had ended, however, they could continue driving the car right up until that final blinding flash.
Remember Y2K? And the alarmists warning us that all out cash would disappear in a burst of electrons, airplanes would fly in erratic circles because their computers were all wrong and our computers would crackle and go dead?
It never happened but it distracted us from the Y2K dot-com bust that really did cause a lot of damage. We didn't have to worry about the ATMs refusing to give us our money because we didn't have any money.
Now the killjoys in the scientific community are telling us there is no Nemesis, the Death Star, lurking out of sight at the edge of the solar system. The apocalyptic idea is that Nemesis, in periods of 26 million years or so collects comets from the Oort Cloud -- aren't these names great? -- and flings them at the Earth.
Nevertheless, alarmists still say we are due, and soon, for a comet that will eliminate us just as assuredly as an earlier impact wiped out the dinosaurs. Now isn't that much more interesting to worry about than the collusion of the wing nuts in the two political parties to remake us into Argentina?
I first heard about another unknown planet in our solar system, Planet X, from my son, then in elementary school.
"Don't you have a science project due tomorrow?" I asked, from experience dreading the answer.
"Yes," he said brightly, "I'm doing it on Planet X." The existence of Planet X has conclusively been disproved but there are those who still believe in it, mainly, it seems, because it's kind of a nice idea.
Planet X is a planet just like Earth but it is on the far side of the sun in an orbit and plane that means we never see it.
"How," I asked, already sensing the answer, "are you going to write a report on something about which there is no facts, no evidence, not even a plausible hint that it really exists?"
"That's just it," he beamed. "I can just make up everything. How's the teacher going to prove me wrong?" It was only years later that I realized I should have directed him into a career of government contracting.
As on so many other nights in the course of our offsprings' academic careers, this led to a high speed, late night visit to a Washington institution, Bruce Variety Store, catering to panicky parents for as long as I can remember.
We raced up and down the aisles, stuffing random materials into the shopping basket. Later that night, we had a facsimile of the solar system using painted Styrofoam balls, thin fishing line and a bunch of coat hangers, representing gravity, bound together to hold the planets in the proper order. Planet X was not among them.
If you've started obsessing about the presidential election next year, don't. The world is going to end on Dec. 21, 2012. Don't take my word for it. It's on the Internet.
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• 08/10/11: House pages run final errands • 08/09/11: U.S. treading water on job creation • 08/08/11: Uncle Sam, the world's permanent guest • 08/05/11: Most 9/11 victims not on federal death records • 08/04/11: Russian PM calls U.S. a ‘parasite.’ He should be so lucky • 08/03/11: Congress goes from one bind to another • 08/02/11: D.B. Cooper may no longer be a mystery • 08/01/11: Libya's latest weapon against NATO --- lawsuits • 07/29/11: He'll always be known as Hot Wheels Handler • 07/25/11: Recruiting children to save a dying town • 07/22/11: Bachmann's admirable medical candor • 07/12/11: Social Security's grave mistakes • 07/08/11: Debt crisis need not be constitutional crisis • 07/07/11: Startups entice new talent with kickball, treehouses • 07/05/11: Stranded tourists get rare treat • 06/30/11: The dollar Americans refuse to spend • 06/27/11: The hangman doesn't cometh
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Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||||
