JWR Schticks and groans

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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

JewishWorldReview.com

Fly the friendly skies — or go to Israel

By Andrew Silow-Carroll




Leaked memo: Unique aspects of a flight to Israel


"El Al and JetBlue will now offer connecting options for customers traveling between the United States and Israel… [B]eginning in October passengers can buy a single ticket for connecting service between Ben Gurion Airport and 61 JetBlue flight destinations in North America from New York's JFK International Airport." — JTA

Dear JetBlue employees:

Welcome to the El Al family — or as we say in Hebrew, Bruchim haba'im! We're so excited about our new partnership. We here at Israel's national air carrier are eager to make this transition as smooth as possible and thought it would be helpful to sensitize you to some of the cultural differences you may encounter with your new customer base.

Of course, we had planned to write this memo even before reading about the unfortunate incident involving Steven Slater, the JetBlue flight attendant who gave new meaning to the term "flight risk." We here at El Al take very seriously his violations of federal law, which include using the plane's P.A. system to curse at a rude customer, grabbing two beers from the galley, sliding down the inflatable emergency chute, and sprinting toward home. We have instructed our employees that Mr. Slater is not a role model, going so far as to ask our flight attendants to remove the eight-by-10 photographs of Mr. Slater that had been adorning their lockers. Ditto the "I'm with Steve-O" buttons some had taken to wearing.

However, to avoid a repeat of the Slater incident, we wanted to introduce you to some of the, shall we say, unique aspects of a flight to Israel. To wit:

Security lines: Passengers are instructed to arrive at the airport six hours before a flight. This may seem excessive, but Israel's crack security service demands it on the theory that no terrorist would be dedicated enough to spend six hours in a crowd of Jews. Kidding! The six-hour time period allows our security team to ask essential questions of our passengers, including "Do you have family in Israel? Where do they live? What is the purpose of your visit?" It also allows time for the person behind you in line to ask the very same questions, in even greater detail. What you might call "intrusive rudeness" is merely what our people call "Jewish geography."

Luggage: We allow each passenger to stow luggage weighing up to 6,000 pounds. Again, this may seem generous by American standards, but it is in response to our passengers' need to bring books for their cousins in B'nei Brak, appliances for their neighbors' in-laws in French Hill, and industrial-size boxes of M & M's for Israeli soldiers.

Boarding: We board our flights for maximum efficiency, in the following order: Families with young children, families with six or more young children, families with eight or more young children, individuals with physical limitations, individuals with aches and pains that may be something but they won't know until they see a specialist, individuals who cut in line.


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Carry-on luggage: You may not think a double stroller, six Borsalino hat boxes, and a Samsung flat-screen television are able to fit in an overhead bin, but please don't underestimate our passengers. During this portion of the flight it might be a good idea for flight attendants to retreat to the galley and have a beer. Or two.

Safety instructions: Hebrew is written from right to left. Similarly, in order to accommodate our passengers' unique sensibility, our instructions are delivered backward. When we say, "Please do NOT stow items under the seat in front of you," our passengers think, "I'll damn well stow my items anywhere I want to," before stowing them under the seat. When we say, "Please move freely about the cabin," our passengers respond, "If they think I am budging from this seat, they have another think coming." It works like a charm.

In-flight behavior: At some point during the lengthy overseas flight, bearded men will crowd the aisle, wrapped in leather straps and white shawls. Do not be alarmed! They will not ask you to join them!

Food service: As a Jewish airline, we serve clientele with unique dietary needs. Our choices include kosher, glatt kosher, kosher dairy, kosher meat, kosher pareve, glatt kosher dairy, gluten-free kosher meat, lactose-free kosher with nuts, lactose-free kosher without nuts, low-salt kosher pareve, high-salt gluten-free kosher meat, and "just bring me a box of cereal and some milk." Remain calm and do not reach for the emergency chute.

Landing: Passengers will often burst into applause when the plane touches down in Israel. This is because a) they are deeply moved by the thought of arriving in the Land of their Ancestors; b)they are still surprised, even after 60 years, that a Jew can safely pilot an airplane; or c) they are relieved that they no longer have to listen to the guy in the middle seat complain about Obama.

We hope you find these tips useful as you welcome El Al passengers aboard JetBlue. We know how stressful it can be dealing with passengers in the age of airline deregulation, overcrowded planes, and erratic departure times. But whenever you are tempted to "go Slater" on one of our passengers, please remember the old Hebrew saying: You ain't seen nothin' yet.

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JWR contributor Andrew Silow-Carroll is the editor in chief of the New Jersey Jewish News.

© 2010, Andrew Silow-Carroll