
 |
|
February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
|
| |
Jewish World Review
Fixing Son's Shyness
By
John Rosemond
|  |
|
|
| |
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT)
Q: My 4-year-old son is not fully engaged when he has a friend over for a play date. His twin sister makes friends easily and the difference between them is glaring.
When I arrange a play date for him, he is excited but then, after the friend arrives, he gradually slips off to play by himself.
Afterward, he will tell me he really didn't have a good time. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can help him become more social? I don't want him to become a loner.
A: You're describing one of your son's personality traits. Social reticence may in fact be the defining feature of his personality. Some people, from the get-go, are outgoing, gregarious, highly social. Others are socially reserved, introverted. As with your twins, personality differences of this sort are often evident from early on, even in identical twins.
Over the past 30 years, a lot has been made of the need to respect "individual differences" in children, but the fact is we are becoming less and less tolerant of childhood behavior patterns that fall even slightly outside a narrow - and ever-narrowing - definition of what constitutes "normal."
A good example of this is found in schools where, on the one hand teachers are encouraged to respect and accommodate individual learning styles, while on the other hand they are told children with different learning styles may have disabilities that require professional help.
Likewise, many of today's parents -- especially the more well-educated ones (who tend to read entirely too much of the prevailing parent-babble) -- are made anxious by any behaviors that don't fit the proverbial mold. They suffer from Too Much Information Syndrome, a peculiar brain malady characterized by over-sensitivity to anything that seems even the slightest bit "off."
This is exacerbated by the fact that today's parents seem to think their job is to make sure their children reach adulthood without any emotional baggage. That's an impossible dream, of course. If you are a person, then you have personal problems.
Correcting a behavior problem (e.g. disobedience) does not require the child's permission, but the only person who can overcome a personal challenge imposed by the birthright of personality (e.g. shyness) is the person so challenged.
That requires knowing the trait in question is problematic and making a conscious decision to overcome its limitations. A child of 4 is not capable of anywhere near that degree of intellectual and emotional maturity.
When your son is older, perhaps he will see the wisdom of making more of an effort to connect with people. In the meantime, his social difficulties are just something he and you are going to have to accept and live with. You can encourage him to reach out to other children, which, I take it, you already are doing.
When you see him pulling away from other kids, you can suggest a game they can play together. The best thing you can do for him, however, is to relax. Introversion isn't life-threatening. Furthermore, most child-introverts are no longer introverts by the time they are in their 30s.
In short, your best course of action is to stop trying to solve this problem for your son. This ball needs to be in his court, and his alone. The more you try to bounce his ball, the more likely it is your good intentions will prevent him from learning to bounce it himself.
We would do well to recall what people once said about such personality differences: It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round.
Interested in a private Judaic studies instructor for free? Let us know by clicking here.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes inspirational material. Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
We want your comments! Please let us know what you think by clicking here.
John Rosemond is a psychologist, family therapist and nationally known expert on parenting issues
Previously:
• Mothers who fall short --- by design
• To tell a child 'You can be anything you want to be' is irresponsible
• Family 'democracy' can turn to tyranny
• 'Because I said so' signals strong parental leadership
• It's time for parents to get their heads out of the '60s
if (strpos(, "printer_friendly") === 0)
{}
else {
=<<
© 2010, The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.).
Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
|