Jewish World Review August 18, 2010 / 8 Elul, 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Mel Gibson lost control of his Maserati while driving in Malibu Sunday evening and the car veered into a Malibu hillside. He was very upset at the car but nothing was caught on audiotape. By the time the police arrived he'd run out of Italian slurs.
Louisiana fishermen set out into the Gulf of Mexico Monday on the first day of shrimping season. Everything was upbeat. The water is clear, the beaches are clean and there's twenty billion dollars waiting for anyone who can forge a fishing license.
Bozo the Clown was honored on the fiftieth anniversary of his debut in Chicago Monday. What memories. It recalls a more innocent time back when you could defeat your political opponent by calling him a Bozo and you didn't have to say he was Hitler.
The Tillman Story opens in movie theaters Friday about Arizona Cardinals great Pat Tillman. He gave up NFL stardom to die fighting in Afghanistan. President Obama just declared his support for the building of a mosque near Arizona Cardinals Stadium.
President Obama ignited a firestorm Friday by backing the building of a mosque near Ground Zero. WTC families are appalled. Conservatives no longer think Barack Obama's the Manchurian Candidate, they're starting to think that he's Rosemary's Baby.
President Obama retreated from his support for a Ground Zero mosque Friday and insisted he was commenting on its legality and not its propriety. Think of it as cleaner energy. The breeze from President Obama's U-turn is powering windmills on the White House lawn.
President Obama held a fundraiser at a home in Beverly Hills Monday. Attendees paid thirty thousand dollars per couple to meet him. Obama knew he was in L.A. when sixty married couples showed up and the only chick in the room was Barbra Streisand.
South Carolina Democratic Senate candidate Alvin Greene was indicted Friday for showing porn to an underage girl. Democrats said it's not enough to knock him off the state ticket. When alcohol does its taxes, it lists South Carolina as a dependent.
The U.S. Postal Service reported a three-billion-dollar loss last quarter. Their figures show they lost a billion a month. The post office is always bragging it's the most profitable branch of government, and now they have the numbers to back it up.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton