Jewish World Review August 17, 2010 / 7 Elul, 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Mexicana Air Lines filed for bankruptcy last week, seeking one hundred and fifty million dollars to survive. The airline flies people from Mexico to Phoenix and Los Angeles and San Antonio, but it's losing money. They just can't compete with feet.
BP was swamped by fraudulent claims on the victims' compensation fund from fake fishermen. It's bad. Three of the fish they brought into the BP office opened their mouths and turned their heads toward the claims adjuster and sang Take Me to the River.
The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it's going to send out three billion dollars to states from its Hardest Hit Fund. People are scrambling to qualify for the money. Mel Gibson's girlfriend and Charlie Sheen's wife just sent in their X-rays.
President Obama interrupted his vacation to fly to Los Angeles for a fundraiser on Monday. His visit shut down freeways and closed the L.A. airport on a Monday morning. He knows that Californians won't do anything to an alien no matter how annoying they are.
President Obama met with his National Security Council Wednesday and ordered the withdrawal of all U.S. combat troops from Iraq. After seven years of U.S. occupation the country is mired in ethnic strife and torn by chaos, panic and disorder. Our work is done.
Andy Griffith did TV commercials assuring seniors that Obama Care won't result in rationed care. It was never a mortal threat. Seniors know from long experience they will die of old age before the government ever gets around to pulling their plugs.
Air Force Two carrying Joe Biden sucked a parked Piper Cub off a runway during takeoff at Long Island Airport Thursday. His motorcade has crashed into cars numerous times and now his jet is flipping Piper Cubs with its jet wash. He's trying to get young people more interested in going into government by entering it into the X-Games.
The White House said Thursday that President Obama may hold face-to-face talks with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. It's a last-ditch effort. The president's realized the only way he can restore his popularity is to fly to Iran and be taken hostage.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton