Jewish World Review August 4, 2010 / 24 Menachem-Av, 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Al Gore was cleared of charges Monday that he sexually assaulted a masseuse in his hotel room. Two other women in two other cities told the same story. Al may not have committed a crime but there's no doubt he has a bad case of Irritable Towel Syndrome.
Coach Rick Pitino testified in the extortion trial of his mistress Tuesday. He admitted they had sex on a restaurant table but said it was over in half a minute. The NCAA plans to honor Rick Pitino next season by going to the thirty-second shot clock.
Oliver Stone apologized Sunday for saying that Jews dominate the media. He was promoting his next movie which he says gives Hitler and Stalin a fairer treatment. As long as Oliver Stone has a megaphone and a lawn chair Mel Gibson will always work.
Sarah Palin said Sunday that Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has cojones President Obama lacks. It's a recent phenomenon. When President Obama went on The View, part of his effort to appeal to female voters was a sex-change operation in the Green Room.
Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio had a million-dollar bounty put on his head Tuesday by Mexican drug dealers for his crackdown on border crime. The sheriff is fighting a losing battle. His job is to seize marijuana faster than California can legalize it.
President Obama infuriated blacks Monday by suggesting that Charlie Rangel end his career with dignity, a week after he fired a black woman without cause from the USDA. He really ought to give up this foolhardy quest to get into the history books. He's got forty names ahead of him for the title of Our First Racist President.
Congresswoman Maxine Waters joined Charlie Rangel in legal jeopardy over House ethics charges Monday. They won't step down and they won't be forced out. Nancy Pelosi promised to drain the swamp, she never promised to expel the alligators.
President Obama was in Georgia Monday where the Democratic candidate for governor refused to appear with him onstage. He's radioactive. Even Chelsea Clinton didn't want a picture of him at her wedding because she might want to run for office someday.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton